I need help

I hate the way I am. I'm not in a relationship but have had 'encounters' with my coworker, and we are actual friends too we hang out n stuff. But she also has a bf.
I realize my flaws, I'm sacred of her leaving when she's done with me, I have a fear of letting go. And I get upset when I know she's with her bf and act immature and start a fight to get attention. It's hard admitting this, but I want to change it and need advice to be more self reliant.

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HerKing · 61-69, M

Ahhh the dark green monster of jealousy rears it's ugly head. Opens it's mouth and consumes you; It burns through your soul and tears your heart into a million pieces... It has no mercy and all the while you try to stay away from it's claws it simply reaches further into the void between it and you, eventually catching you again.

You cannot help who you're attracted to, nor who you fall in love with. It's part of being human. It matters not that she is otherwise in a relationship, the best you can do is to try and keep things platonic and resist the urge to go further with what you desire...

How does she feel about you? Are you a plaything? A distraction? Nothing more? Or is she in a state of dilemma? Torn between the old and the new? If she chooses she will lose anyway? Is that the case? Have you sat down and [i]really[/i] told her how you feel? Or just bitten your tongue, afraid of the reaction?

A word to the wise; Women generally appreciate honesty when it comes to feelings. Even if the answer isn't what they would necessarily want to hear, they will prefer that, than a lie to try and make it better.

I sincerely wish you well.

Plumouter · 26-30, M

@HerKing usually I'm too honest with my feelings and noticed on my track record. Too emotional maybe. She says she's in a state of dilemma but I usually think I'm just filling the void till things go well for her bf. And that kills me, especially when I give it my all. Maybe I expect too much from people.

HerKing · 61-69, M

@Plumouter If what she says is true then my friend you have to have some self respect and keep it platonic..If she wants you, she'll say so..Tell her you'll not be second fiddle to him or anyone, and that if she wants you then she has to make a choice.

Tatsumi · 31-35, M

Dwelling on the future is just generally going to cause anxiety. It's best to stay centered in the present.

But. You see problems. And those require future planning. So. What're you gonna do about your flaws? That's something you should think about. Nothing comes off the top of my head for that particular problem.

I'll also add that no one woman is worth getting so worked up over. "But I love her." Maybe, but she's taken. So, in the meantime, you can work on yourself and stay in her orbit, and hey, maybe you'll nab her. Maybe not. You should be okay with either instance, for your own stability.

If she ditches you, she ditches you. Okay. So what? There's a couple billion other women on the planet. Try and get one of those. In fact, you should do that, now. Maybe getting a girlfriend will help you get over her.

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HerKing · 61-69, M

@Plumouter Then tell her you feel used and you're not just her fuck buddy when he isn't there. You didn't 'sign up' for anything. You made a choice, you can change that choice. I think you have some confidence and insecurity issues.. Those aren't down to her to resolve.

Plumouter · 26-30, M

@HerKing yes I do and I know they aren't her problem. That's why I want to be more self reliant so this doesn't hurt me as much. Because it does and it sucks.
I appreciate your replies though thank you.

HerKing · 61-69, M

@Plumouter You've identified where you think your focus should be in that paragraph.. So what are you going to do about it? (You don't have to tell me, just yourself)

Mamapolo2016 · F

If you are in a relationship with someone who has a pre-established alternative, counting on them to be there when you need them is masochistic.

The only way to protect yourself is either to relinquish that relationship and find one where you come first, or convince yourself you don't care.

Are you sure it's not the drama that appeals to you?

Plumouter · 26-30, M

@Mamapolo2016 I absolutely hate drama so I don't think so. I try to find one where I come first but that's hard to come by

SW-User

Me too I need so much help

HerKing · 61-69, M

@SW-User Why do you need help? Are you the lady in his dilemma?

bhatjc · 46-50, M

@SW-User What is wrong

Jimmy2016 · 61-69, M

She has a boyfriend, don't get series about her, it might turn out bad.

Plumouter · 26-30, M

@Jimmy2016 it's been serious for a while now unfortunately

Jimmy2016 · 61-69, M

@Plumouter Well, she will be with her boyfriend most of the time, when not with you, so that is something you just have to accept!! You know, your young, life is hopeful long, don't make this too complicate. You hang out with her and......her, so it doesn't sound too bad! FWB you know!

bhatjc · 46-50, M

Those are hard man. I have been down that road. Just keep taking your time. When she is not longer a coworker.

Plumouter · 26-30, M

@bhatjc we've been working at the same place together for about a year plus now so idk.

bhatjc · 46-50, M

@Plumouter That is hard. Is she just friendly to you or the other coworkers as well

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