Anxious
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How Do You Allow Yourself to Be Yourself?

Raised by a man that told me that feelings are for women and that men are logical, I have always felt self-conscious as the more emotional one of my siblings. Feeling like I was never going to measure up to the tough-guy standards I did always try to seem that way. My family and extended family are military people and I knew in my heart that I couldn't do what they did, but I always wanted to.

So I began to wear one of their hats. Didn't say anything about their service or rank, but it had the ship name on it and I loved it - even hung it up in my room so I could see it from my desk. Today I come across a professor who had served and he asked me about the hat and I just kind of froze. No one usually asks about the hat, I just get to wear a fun hat and keep the sun out of my eyes, feeling like I'm carrying the toughness that all these guys before me have with me throughout the day. But when asked I froze, just barely getting out that I'm "from a military family". He started to go on about ranks and being a captain or something but I kind of just tuned out. Now I'm not sure if I want to wear the hat anymore. I don't want to give the impression that I'm trying to be something I'm not, I just feel better wearing the hat.

So how do I go about being comfortable with being this feely blob of awkwardness that sticks out like a sore thumb in the family and among my peers?
MikeSp · 56-60, M
The emotional side of you is worrying too much about a piece of clothing, which btw, is not part of any military uniform. Think logically and decide that you are wearing it to honor your family and all that served on that ship, and say just that if someone asks. You're not lying, and you don't have to say anything about whether you served. You are not disrespecting anything or anyone, unlike others who have worn uniform items or the US flag inappropriately.
riseofthemachine · 41-45, M
What helped me be myself is when a lot of people took a disliking to me cause I realized I hot to like myself and took savage pain cause all my illusions were smashed
Zaphod42 · 46-50, M
Hell if I know. I’m realizing more and more that being a child raised in cult setting has basically broken me as a social human being.
SW-User
I found that as I get older the less I care what others think
jimjim1969 · M
You have to be who you are, not what others are.

 
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