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I Believe Friendship Is A Two Way Street

Attachment issues. I really like talking to people, making friends. But, I only seem to attract people who are fleeting, who dont want to stay or form any kind of attachments.I have lost people I thought are my best friends, people who promised to stay. I am another fix right now. The closest thing I have to best friend right now, well, they think I shouldnt get to attached to them. While it was OK for while, I have started getting attached. I need to stop, but I cant seem to be able to. I need some serious help.

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SW-User

You can't really promise to be friends with someone, it either works or it doesn't. Try not to expect too much from people as you'll only end up feeling let down. Try to get to know a few people, don't put all your focus on just one, that way it won't end up feeling pressured.

Bbgv14 · 31-35, F

More people. That a good idea! Thanks!

SW-User

I don't put much stock in promises.. they somehow end up broken even though the person didn't want to break them. People are imperfect, and will fall to weakness.

And my best friend thinks I shouldn't get attached to them either, but it's because they know it's not a realistic expectation for them to be there for me all the time. It helps me to think that I'm doing it for them, because they have enough to worry about without me adding to their plate. After all, I just want them to be happy.

SW-User

I agree, we shouldn't rely too much on others, friendship is about give and take.

Bbgv14 · 31-35, F

I agree, promises are meant to be broken I guess. I understand that, I am ok with not relying on them 24X7, I am practical too. But it just hurts so much to have it thrown everytime that "I will be gone, I wont be around, bla bla". I mean really why did even want to be friends in the first place?

Samael

I've no "expert" advice to give; just had similar experiences myself.

What I do is simply remember who I've lost, and smile - at the memories of them. And remember that I am glad that I had the time I had with that person; knowing what impact they made in my life no matter how small, and that the person they were back then isn't necessarily the person they are now.

Bbgv14 · 31-35, F

I do that too, once I move on.right now I just cant seem to get anywhere. I m moping all the time, and the self pity is nauseating.

Tatsumi · 31-35, M

You state the solution, yourself. Friendship is a two way street. You have to give them enough value to want to stick around. But, even then, you have to compete with other things of value in their life.

As for what to do with this person, I dunno. You'll have to find out what's best for you, then find a way to make that happen.

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