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I found marijuana in my son’s room?

My son is 13 years old and started his first year in a new school this year. It’s his first year in middle school as well as his first in public school so I was a little worried that my son might encounter some bad influences. He’s been a good student and even better kid his whole life. I understand it is not as dangerous as other drugs but it is a gateway and illegal. How should I approach this?
CountScrofula · 41-45, M
So I'm going to correct you on one thing but please understand that I in no way think your son should smoke cannabis.

Gateway drugs aren't really a thing, and are a (failed) argument from the war on drugs. Using the exaggerated reefer madness arguments will cause him to not believe you.

You'll need to talk to him, sit him down, and try not to make yourself the enemy. The big thing as a parent you'll need to do is find ways to change the social circles he's in. Banning him from seeing friends he sees every day at school is not a way to do it because that just doesn't work (although you can certainly ban a friend from coming to your house and the like) Involving him in activities with different kids may work though. Some friend of his got him into this.

Understand the appeal for him. Figure out if he's interested because it sounds fun and his friends are doing it, or if he's unhappy about something you are unaware of and is trying to cope. LIke everyone else, he thinks he's the good guy here and doing his best to just get through life.

I'd use the following lines on drugs:

- Cannabis can have serious impact on developing brains. ESPECIALLY when he is so young. Only 13! Here's an article for you to read:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-pot-really-does-to-the-teen-brain/

- It's high risk and could get him expelled or in trouble with the police.

- Being high all the time will screw up your chances are school.

- It harms trust because if he lies about this, it means you have to check him more closely to find other lies.

---

Cannabis isn't the worst drug ever, but doing any kind of recreational drug at 13 is a really bad idea. This is a tough one to deal with :\ Good luck!
Cervincio · 61-69, M
You are partially correct. MJ IS harmful to brain development in those under age 25. Maybe that's the angle you should approach from.
Nomoretomorrow · 46-50, M
He's a bit young for dope at 13. At that age he'll be easier to deal with rather than taking on a more independent and bolshy 16+ year old. Going mental at him might create a hell of a lot of problems and alienate you from him. He'll probably keep doing it but be more careful about getting caught especially if his peer group are all into it. However being too soft on him won't get across the seriousness of the situation. Having accurate facts about the effects especially on someone so young will be good rather than trotting out the standard semi myths come cliche's which he'll probably just find amusing and hold in contempt. Do you have to be in this alone? What about his friends and by extension their families?
Nomoretomorrow · 46-50, M
Not coddling, dope is bad for anyone especially the young. But you have to be clever how you deal with this - not soft but clever, going mental at him will make him do it more out of spite then it'll be hard to get through to him. Assertive yet supporting backed up with real facts and support from his peer group parents if their kids are involved too will help
Nomoretomorrow · 46-50, M
@Catholicmamma good, what do his mate's families know?
Catholicmamma · 61-69, F
@Nomoretomorrow Nothing at the moment. The one’s I’ve called acted just as surprised as me.
Steve42 · 56-60, M
I smoked pot in middle school, I turned out ok. As a parent I preferred my kids drank and partied at home. If their friends were involved I told them to get permission from their parents and I did call each and everyone, every time. Better at home than have to drive, or do in a less safe place. Also allowed me to monitor.
Steve42 · 56-60, M
@Steve42 Also cranked out two eagle scouts and all three in college on scholarships.
Might thoughts. Better then some crack den down in the projects.. @Steve42
Sp2l3emP34c067 · 36-40, M
Teens really shouldn’t smoke weed because their minds are still developing—I did, but that’s because I didn’t know any better. Personally, I feel that this subject shouldn’t be approached in an accusatory way but more like an expression of concern, discussing the trouble it can bring in his young life (other than interfering with development) simply because it is illegal and therefore a criminal element comes out of that. Decriminalization needs to be set in motion for all states.
MasterLee · 56-60, M
@Sp2l3emP34c067 I see. so you love pot.
Sp2l3emP34c067 · 36-40, M
It doesn’t matter what I like. These issues aren’t all so black and white. She’s seeking advice and I gave her MY suggestion. I’m done with you, man.
MasterLee · 56-60, M
@Sp2l3emP34c067 peace out and smoke your weed dude
Jackaloftheazuresand · 26-30, M
make him smoke it all right now
MasterLee · 56-60, M
Report it and get the one that sold it arrested.
Catholicmamma · 61-69, F
@MasterLee I feel like I can get him to stop without involving the police.
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
@Catholicmamma It is not good for a developing brain or for adolescent social development either. Explain that to him.
However, it is an exaggeration to say it will destroy his brain; it's,not Alzheimer's. Teens need to experience a certain amount of stress as part of learning to tolerate it and marijuana does not help them do that.
MasterLee · 56-60, M
@greenmountaingal people who smoke pot at his age do indeed destroy their brain. I have known many kids who did. As they get older their only ambition is to get more. All they discuss is pot, smoking pot, where to get it, getting high...later they promote it as a miracle cure all drug. The problem is, learning is sacrificed. No education, no job, just pot.
Have you discussed the subject of drugs with him?

Is it a public school in a good neighborhood?
Catholicmamma · 61-69, F
@VeronicaJane His school is in a good neighborhood thankfully. I have discussed the topic of drugs with him a few times but apparently not as much as I should’ve.
Effloresce · 26-30, F
Talk to him about how drugs affect the brain. If anything at least he’ll be educated on how drugs alter one's mental state.
SW-User
talk to him one on one with it
SW-User
I would calmly talk to him about it ,talk to him about the dangers and consequences...make sure he understands the risk he is taking when he chooses to smoke pot ...hold him accountable for his actions and don't back down ...you are his parent,not his friend
Catholicmamma · 61-69, F
@SW-User Do you think I should punish him or just talk with and promise a punishment next time?
You can search: How to talk to 13 year olds about Marijuana. There is some very helpful info and some videos to see also. 👍️
Catholicmamma · 61-69, F
@softspokenman Thanks! I’ll check it out.
Your welcome @Catholicmamma.
TeirdalinFirefall · 31-35, M
That seems like an awful situation to be in.
juiceyangel333 · 31-35, F
Why are you snooping around?
Catholicmamma · 61-69, F
@juiceyangel333 Please, I’m his mother. If I didn’t snoop around his room once in awhile I wouldn’t be doing my job.
PrivatePeeks · 26-30, F
Smoke it before he destroys his brain

 
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