I found marijuana in my son’s room?

My son is 13 years old and started his first year in a new school this year. It’s his first year in middle school as well as his first in public school so I was a little worried that my son might encounter some bad influences. He’s been a good student and even better kid his whole life. I understand it is not as dangerous as other drugs but it is a gateway and illegal. How should I approach this?

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CountScrofula · 41-45, M

So I'm going to correct you on one thing but please understand that I in no way think your son should smoke cannabis.

Gateway drugs aren't really a thing, and are a (failed) argument from the war on drugs. Using the exaggerated reefer madness arguments will cause him to not believe you.

You'll need to talk to him, sit him down, and try not to make yourself the enemy. The big thing as a parent you'll need to do is find ways to change the social circles he's in. Banning him from seeing friends he sees every day at school is not a way to do it because that just doesn't work (although you can certainly ban a friend from coming to your house and the like) Involving him in activities with different kids may work though. Some friend of his got him into this.

Understand the appeal for him. Figure out if he's interested because it sounds fun and his friends are doing it, or if he's unhappy about something you are unaware of and is trying to cope. LIke everyone else, he thinks he's the good guy here and doing his best to just get through life.

I'd use the following lines on drugs:

- Cannabis can have serious impact on developing brains. ESPECIALLY when he is so young. Only 13! Here's an article for you to read:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-pot-really-does-to-the-teen-brain/

- It's high risk and could get him expelled or in trouble with the police.

- Being high all the time will screw up your chances are school.

- It harms trust because if he lies about this, it means you have to check him more closely to find other lies.

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Cannabis isn't the worst drug ever, but doing any kind of recreational drug at 13 is a really bad idea. This is a tough one to deal with :\ Good luck!