How can I work so hard

Yes, you have. Shut out those thoughts and shut out the words of others. You rock, you have achieved much and the best it yet to come.

No where you want to be by now.
I know how it feels, been there.
But...
The road is not the desired destiny.
You will reach there.

do not be negative if you have put in the work you will of achieved some goals not always obvious maybe at times[spyfool]

Well, eating regularly is always a plus.