I feel so completely alone.

Not because I'm actually alone, not because I'm alone around others, because my experiences and feelings are so separate from everyone else's.

Which to me is just how it is, but others find something wrong with me because I can't live and believe in life how they do.

I don't have parents. I haven't in years. I was in my early 30's when I lost them. I don't have help. I used to cry about it, it hurt, and people hated me for it.

So I got stronger and stopped trying to be happy because I have to be a working single mom. I have to get through by sacrificing a great deal. I've almost completely lost my own identity so I can be a mom, work two jobs and run my home. And all anyone can think to do now is hate me for that too.

It used to be I was dumb for having feelings, then I was wrong for having needs, now I'm dumb for trying to do it all without complaining.

I give up with people.

I give up trying to communicate. I give up trying to be real. I give up trying to express myself. Nobody cares.

There is a lens of privilege that a lot of people have. Instead of hearing another perspective and feeling empathy, they get offended and state what is true for them.

I give up.

Not on myself, or my son or life.

I give up trying to be closer to people. Nobody wants us. They never did, they never will.

It's time to officially retire from society. Nobody cares anymore.

Top | New | Old

legalboxers · M

we do care. At least I do.. Hugs!

Hollybaby69 · CNew

You need to go out and let your hair down get drunk and meet a random and just fuck each other senseless it would relieve some of your stress for a bit

HoeBag · 51-55, F

As we age, especially over 35, it is like the world forgets us.
The good thing though is we do not have people trying to run or ruin our lives.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@HoeBag yeah, I just wanna be myself and not feel afraid of repelling people. I just wanna be alone.

HoeBag · 51-55, F

@ScreamingFox People in our age group though are less likely to judge. Or if they do, they are more likely to be mature enough to keep their snarky opinions to themselves. In the real world at least. Online is different.

But for real life, I think cause most of us finally realize that we have no room to judge.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@HoeBag that's the truth. I'm sick of the judgements and arbitrary standards when we're all a bunch of freaks.

Boeing · 36-40

Oh love... on one hand this is so saddening to hear... and yet on another hand, I have personally experienced in Life that when I give up...it is the softening needed, for something to arrive.

I know all these words are so often being spoken nowadays that they appear to be losing meaning.

But I really mean it. Surrender, isn't always a bad thing. It can actually be an initiation...

I am still sorry -.- I cannot imagine how that is. I cannot possibly understand, my parents are still alive and I have no children, a very different life.
And yet there is something I am constantly finding that we are sharing in the core, perhaps it is our way to feel, to see...

Perhaps it is our wish for freedom, manifesting differently and guiding our choices.......

It doesn't matter. Sending you much love. Hold on.
Don't loose the big picture, you have come a long long long way.

take a breath. Rest whenever you can... Do you still work 7 days a week?

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Boeing I am not sad. I am simply resigned and from there, there are many smaller dreams. Smaller and more meaningful. Nothing soft is coming and I cannot be soft. RIP softness lol

I have to be strong. There is nothing else. There is nowhere to gently land. And I will make the best of that fate so my son can watch me never give up.

I am still working seven days. I want to say it's nice to be needed, but I want to be left alone.

I have diligently left an opening in my heart for good to come in. But good never walks in my door. But bad doesn't walk in either, so maybe it's for the best that people reject me.

It's hard to focus on my solitude when I am not really alone. And the only people in my life depend on me almost completely. My son needs me and my senior lady is falling apart.

Strong.

The next chapter will also need me to be strong.

Maybe next life I can live without constant pain.

This comment is hidden. Show Comment

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@TheRealBarbossa nobody is ever going to love me like that. I just lose people and even if I am lonely it is desensitizing because I know this is just life now. Not in a sad way, but I don't want to fool myself and end up hurt again.

TheRealBarbossa · 36-40, T

@ScreamingFox There's someone for everyone. Don't give up.

I prefer to stay at home on my own over going out with the risk of being hurt, or being reminded how lonely I am. However, once you meet that someone who loves you regardless, the risk will have been worth it.

Arguments and disagreements are absolutely normal, and pretty much required for two or more people to co-exist. As long as the love, care, and understanding is unbroken, a relationship can survive anything. Be it romantic, friendly, or family.

Edit: that someone to give you confidence and a sense of belonging could be someone online too, not necessarily out in the real world.

ineedadrink · 56-60, M

If I had any useful responses here, I'd be a wise man. But I don't so all I can do is let you know I wish you & your son contentment & happiness.

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@ineedadrink thank you. And double thank you for not trying to make me feel better with some horseshit.

Livingwell · 61-69, M

🫂

Add a comment...