OldBrit · 61-69, M
Difficult to comment on the colleague bit as can't remember ever happening.
But I get it with AA friends all the time, male or female there's a special bond in the AA hug. And we just don't think about it we just hug.
A month or so ago I went to a public meeting in our church, which Iong ago stopped regularly attending. An old AA friend is Church Warden there. He's also lifelong biker. So he's there in full biker gear, denim cutoff over leather jacket patches galore etc. He talking to the vicar as I walk in but we just hug as we always do.
Only as we separate do I realise there's shock all around, two men in their 60s, one with a suit on one in biker gear hugging openly by the font in a church.
Oh well their problem not mine is how I view it.
You're fine in that it was reciprocated by him. If there's a problem with his wife she needs to look at herself not you and him imho.
But I get it with AA friends all the time, male or female there's a special bond in the AA hug. And we just don't think about it we just hug.
A month or so ago I went to a public meeting in our church, which Iong ago stopped regularly attending. An old AA friend is Church Warden there. He's also lifelong biker. So he's there in full biker gear, denim cutoff over leather jacket patches galore etc. He talking to the vicar as I walk in but we just hug as we always do.
Only as we separate do I realise there's shock all around, two men in their 60s, one with a suit on one in biker gear hugging openly by the font in a church.
Oh well their problem not mine is how I view it.
You're fine in that it was reciprocated by him. If there's a problem with his wife she needs to look at herself not you and him imho.
So, after the reading the comments I gained a little perspective. We dont know their story.
Ive had women colleagues of my husband openly flirt with him and then expect me to be friendly. Im also incredibly closed as a person if I dont know you, and shaking hands etc.. sometimes makes me hold back because if you've greeted my husband with a hug, where's mine.
There could be all sorts of reasons that might just be known to him and her. And that's ok. Dont take it personally. Youre fine as you are.
Ive had women colleagues of my husband openly flirt with him and then expect me to be friendly. Im also incredibly closed as a person if I dont know you, and shaking hands etc.. sometimes makes me hold back because if you've greeted my husband with a hug, where's mine.
There could be all sorts of reasons that might just be known to him and her. And that's ok. Dont take it personally. Youre fine as you are.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@V00doo hey hun, thank you for getting back to me on this.
I completely hear what you're saying and with hindsight I can see that yes perhaps I could have extended the hug. I offered my hand mostly because it's our first meeting and I didn't want her to feel ambushed.
I've been working with him for 3 years and well it's developed into hugs.
It was always more formal. I'm not making excuses (the team and very family orientated and being there so long I'm apart of that family).
I have wholeheartedly taken everything on board and in the event I see her again I will take her warmth on board and act accordingly.
I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm trying to stomp on their relationship.
In regards to the flirting, that is not my style. I think 🤔.
I was kind of warned of a colleagues partner before I didn't know they were dating I thought he was a new employee and was just being friendly and complimented his style as a way to make him feel welcome. But it wasn't well received.
It's something I do with all colleagues but on this occasion it was a definite no. So I respectfully stopped. And made a conscious effort to talk to them both so she could see it wasn't malicious towards her.
I completely hear what you're saying and with hindsight I can see that yes perhaps I could have extended the hug. I offered my hand mostly because it's our first meeting and I didn't want her to feel ambushed.
I've been working with him for 3 years and well it's developed into hugs.
It was always more formal. I'm not making excuses (the team and very family orientated and being there so long I'm apart of that family).
I have wholeheartedly taken everything on board and in the event I see her again I will take her warmth on board and act accordingly.
I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm trying to stomp on their relationship.
In regards to the flirting, that is not my style. I think 🤔.
I was kind of warned of a colleagues partner before I didn't know they were dating I thought he was a new employee and was just being friendly and complimented his style as a way to make him feel welcome. But it wasn't well received.
It's something I do with all colleagues but on this occasion it was a definite no. So I respectfully stopped. And made a conscious effort to talk to them both so she could see it wasn't malicious towards her.
Punxi · F
I'm that girl: I Huuug!!!
I see your motive first. A reunion, in my opinion def requires one. Mutually shared.
This may be unhelpful, but things..situations I cannot control...such as the observational feelings of another...are none of my business. I keep my side of the street clean.
All that matters most.
I see your motive first. A reunion, in my opinion def requires one. Mutually shared.
This may be unhelpful, but things..situations I cannot control...such as the observational feelings of another...are none of my business. I keep my side of the street clean.
All that matters most.
beermeplease · M
@Mellowgirl if there's any issues between them, you didn't cause it....she did. you seem like a well rounded mom and wife and mom and congrats having your second....i called you well rounded 🤭no pun intended seeing how you are 6 months pregnant ☺
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@beermeplease thank you no offence taken
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Justmeraeagain I just won't do it again. Going forward
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
@Mellowgirl Pretty much how I would handle it. But you didn't know at the time it would bother her.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Justmeraeagain agreed👍🏾💯
WandererTony · 56-60, M
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@WandererTony thank you for the insight, I'm taking all of this on board.
ThePatientAnarchist · 61-69
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@ThePatientAnarchist thank you for the insight. I will keep this in mind next time I see them. I don't plan on leaving my job anytime soon and will definitely be seeing her again, my work is very sociable.
I just haven't been so since been off as I'm juggling a lot.
I just haven't been so since been off as I'm juggling a lot.
smiler2012 · 61-69
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
@smiler2012 Yup -- and he'll pay for it.
FloorGenAdm · 51-55, M
View 1 more replies »
FloorGenAdm · 51-55, M
@Mellowgirl I say break the cycle and give her a hug anyways.
@FloorGenAdm Yea, when she rejects the handshake, laugh and go for it. Might be fun.
FloorGenAdm · 51-55, M
@JamesBugman Just skip the handshake thing and go straight for the hug.
bijouxbroussard · F
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@bijouxbroussard that's what I thought. It wasn't like I excluded her, I even said I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting yet.
And introduced myself and let her know my role.
I even complimented their beautiful family. Because their children are beautiful and pretty much carbon copies of each other. Lol.
It's hilarious and cute the perfect blend of mum and dad.
And introduced myself and let her know my role.
I even complimented their beautiful family. Because their children are beautiful and pretty much carbon copies of each other. Lol.
It's hilarious and cute the perfect blend of mum and dad.
beermeplease · M
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@beermeplease I hope it didn't cause them any issues.
When I was pregnant, it was really insightful getting a males perspective of parenting, his experience.
He is the most family orientated man I've ever met. And what I love is that he was saying he was getting broody. And gets this way whenever people talk about babies.
He loves his family and it shows. Although he has a social life away from them, he really enjoys and makes time especially with his family.
He took time out to look after them when his wife had to return to work as our work offers so much flexibility.
When I was pregnant, it was really insightful getting a males perspective of parenting, his experience.
He is the most family orientated man I've ever met. And what I love is that he was saying he was getting broody. And gets this way whenever people talk about babies.
He loves his family and it shows. Although he has a social life away from them, he really enjoys and makes time especially with his family.
He took time out to look after them when his wife had to return to work as our work offers so much flexibility.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@JamesBugman no need... But I appreciate the insight and won't make that mistake again.
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
Chiefjustice · 46-50, M
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
Keep your hands to yourself? I hate huggers.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@ChipmunkErnie I wasn't hugging you though. He is a hugger and so am I. But if this is in reference to her and her presence lesson learned
ChipmunkErnie · 70-79, M
@Mellowgirl And evidently it didn't work out well for his relationship with his wife. But in my experience huggers don't care if they offend, they just say "I'm a hugger, deal with it."
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@ChipmunkErnie it's unfortunate you've experienced that. But from your response you could probably do with a hug or two.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Ambersky See, I'm desperately trying not to come with any kind of negative thoughts towards her.
When I've been out with my partner he's hugged women he used to work with and I didn't think anything of it. Especially because I was also introduced, they have shaken my hand or depending will say handshakes are too formal.
I just go with it. Coz I don't really think of it as being a big deal. It's a greeting.
When I've been out with my partner he's hugged women he used to work with and I didn't think anything of it. Especially because I was also introduced, they have shaken my hand or depending will say handshakes are too formal.
I just go with it. Coz I don't really think of it as being a big deal. It's a greeting.
