I Want to Lose Weight

Live Long Battle... I have always been overweight. I remember being bullied as a kid all the time over my size, at age 8 I was 8 stone (112 pounds). The bulling drove me to become even more of a recluse and eat By age 10 I was wearing size large adult clothing. At 12 I joined Weight Watchers. Here I had mixed success not really losing weight but not gaining, eventually I gave up on that. As a teenager the bullying mostly stopped as I had gotten into a very small but kind group of friends and had taken up playing music as a hobby. Still I could not truly come out of my shell, going through weeks and months or hiding away at a time. I seemed to fear really letting myself get to open fearing giving to much away and leaving myself open to humiliation. I played gigs at this time, but never really felt comfortable on stage. I felt like I stuck out. All the other musicians I played with were very slim, by comparison I looked very out of place. Maybe it did not help having one of their fathers who played the same instrument as me always insist on giving me tips (he did improve my bass playing) but would always slag me over my size (I still think he was just trying to be funny but it was just a dumb move that drove me to being even more insecure) also having a teacher in school who could never remember anyone's name so gave us all nick names, getting called "Big Boy" every day for 4 years by a teacher does not help ones self image. By 16 I was 23 stone (over 300 pounds). I stayed at this weight until my final year in college, between 16 and 21 (final year in college) I tried many many diets, Atkins, F-Plan, Cabbage Soup diet, Detox, Weight Watchers (again), Grapefruit Diet to name but a few. In those years I also had been told I was diabetic y my doctor before he even sent me for a blood test ba<x>sed just on my size. After a year of taking my blood sugar everyday I proved to him I was not diabetic but that still bugged me to be told something ba<x>sed just on my size. Then In my final year in college I tried a food pack diet. It works. I lost just under 6 stone in 4 months. But then they changed the formula of the packs. Then new formula made me throw up all the time, a mixture of the awful taste and throwing up made me stay on the plan but unable to face the packs. They were only giving me a 5th of my need of calories in the beginning but now I was unable to face them all I started to cut out packs, in the end I was taking in 10th of my need of calories a day. Finally the day after my last exam I lost my eye sight for 2 days. The doctor ordered me off the packs and then my eye sight returned. I have now put on 2 of the stone I lost on the packs but feel I need to go back on the packs to lose weight. I feel myself bloat everyday so much so I now try to not eat at all. As if I don't feel like eating until I have something then I feel hungry all day. Worst of all is when I was losing the weight I felt myself getting more confident, I was mixing with people more and playing more music. Now I am a recluse again and have not picked up a bass or guitar in months.