Wearing glasses is cool because I probably won't accidentally stab myself in the eye while eating.

There’s nothing more stressful than a small child trying to put your glasses back on your face and seeing the temples coming straight at your pupils.

I wear glasses, but not when eating.
I’ve never accidentally (or intentionally, for that matter) stabbed myself in the eye while eating (not even when I was really drunk and/or high(.

You seem to be weirdly talented.