As much as I loathe bumper stickers, the one I'll make an exception for is the 'Student Driver' one

It isn't self-congratulatory. It isn't forcing me to know what your interests are. It isn't trying to make a conceited statement or serve as a lame attempt at humor. It's actually helpful, concise, and relevant.

I wish I could have a label on me that more or less served the same purpose. I often find myself in social situations where I'm taken off-guard and can only hope I have enough in me to stumble through to the end. Basically, I need something like this to wear at all times