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So let’s talk about consent and victim blaming.

There has been some talk here today about flirting and where the line is when the other person seems to go along with it but later recants that claim. While another person may seem into it, there could still be a problem with power discrepancy. Is the flirting person in a position of power? Do they have influence or popularity? The fact is that the person they’re flirting with (online or irl) may not be as comfortable with the situation as it may seem. Often they will go along with it for fear of consequences, being ostracized, triggering the other person, etc.
Now when this happens how do you know if the person you are flirting with is really receptive or if they’re just avoiding drama? Well, it’s not always easy. But if approached later about it, you can listen to them and apologize. Because even if you didn’t know or intend to make them feel this way, that is the way they feel. It’s normal to feel shocked and feel you need to defend yourself, but insisting that the other person went along with it and could have just said to stop is victim blaming, plane and simple. Imagine how you would feel gathering the courage to say you were wronged only to be attacked for it.
I don’t know how to close this out, but I’ve said my piece. I’m sure some will disagree, but this is something I feel strongly about and I needed to get it out while it seems to be a hot topic here.
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BabyLonia · F
This is really well said Stray.

It is not easy to talk about rape culture, i once tried and had some really awful arguments about it. I just think the more we discuss it openly the more others will start to recognise the signs

Straylight · 31-35, F
@BabyLonia Victim blaming has always been a hot button issue for me.
Really · 80-89, M
@BabyLonia It's a big and surprising leap from talking about flirting to talking about rape, but:

Beneath the base of your rape pyramid there's a lower, subtler & less remarked-on type of influence on sexual behavior: I mean the way romance & sexuality are portrayed in books and films. In love->sex scenes I don't think I've ever seen either party ask directly for consent? We're fed depictions of a mutual unspoken agreement - a willing, silent responding on each side. No words are required - it's shown as just a natural thing that happens - and that idea is deeply embedded in our culture. We mostly lap it up.

Well, maybe in some ways it IS natural for things to 'just happen'. if either party wants to back off they can say so, or just do so. (I'm not talking about situations where one has some sort of power over the other. That is very different.)

The notion of denouncing spontaneous, rising passion in favor of preliminary verbal negotiations is a bit repugnant.