So let’s talk about consent and victim blaming.

There has been some talk here today about flirting and where the line is when the other person seems to go along with it but later recants that claim. While another person may seem into it, there could still be a problem with power discrepancy. Is the flirting person in a position of power? Do they have influence or popularity? The fact is that the person they’re flirting with (online or irl) may not be as comfortable with the situation as it may seem. Often they will go along with it for fear of consequences, being ostracized, triggering the other person, etc.
Now when this happens how do you know if the person you are flirting with is really receptive or if they’re just avoiding drama? Well, it’s not always easy. But if approached later about it, you can listen to them and apologize. Because even if you didn’t know or intend to make them feel this way, that is the way they feel. It’s normal to feel shocked and feel you need to defend yourself, but insisting that the other person went along with it and could have just said to stop is victim blaming, plane and simple. Imagine how you would feel gathering the courage to say you were wronged only to be attacked for it.
I don’t know how to close this out, but I’ve said my piece. I’m sure some will disagree, but this is something I feel strongly about and I needed to get it out while it seems to be a hot topic here.

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SW-User

I agree, however, I also think a person's feelings about an interaction can change with time. It's very possible that they [i]were[/i] into it at the time, and looking back, they regret it and now feel negatively about it. But the vicissitudes of one's feelings can't really be blamed on another person. If someone is into something at the time, the other person can't really be held responsible for the change of heart; sometimes we make bad decisions and regret them. It doesn't mean we were coerced into it. That said, in this situation it's perfectly okay for the two involved to later have a discussion about the interaction and why it went wrong and mend fences. And if the person being flirted with wasn't into at the time and was only going along with it because they felt pressured to do so, then the person flirting should be receptive to the truth of it. It's natural to be defensive, but people need to be made aware of the ways in which they pressure people and have outsize influence on their decisions.

I certainly know what it's like to respond positively to flirting even though I felt awkward and uncomfortable (but was worried about upsetting the person or potentially finding myself in a dangerous situation). And in my case there was no chance of ever explaining this to the person.