So let’s talk about consent and victim blaming.

There has been some talk here today about flirting and where the line is when the other person seems to go along with it but later recants that claim. While another person may seem into it, there could still be a problem with power discrepancy. Is the flirting person in a position of power? Do they have influence or popularity? The fact is that the person they’re flirting with (online or irl) may not be as comfortable with the situation as it may seem. Often they will go along with it for fear of consequences, being ostracized, triggering the other person, etc.
Now when this happens how do you know if the person you are flirting with is really receptive or if they’re just avoiding drama? Well, it’s not always easy. But if approached later about it, you can listen to them and apologize. Because even if you didn’t know or intend to make them feel this way, that is the way they feel. It’s normal to feel shocked and feel you need to defend yourself, but insisting that the other person went along with it and could have just said to stop is victim blaming, plane and simple. Imagine how you would feel gathering the courage to say you were wronged only to be attacked for it.
I don’t know how to close this out, but I’ve said my piece. I’m sure some will disagree, but this is something I feel strongly about and I needed to get it out while it seems to be a hot topic here.

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CountScrofula · 41-45, M

You don't get to hurt someone and tell them that they weren't hurt.

Straylight · 31-35, F

@CountScrofula And even accidentally. I’m just saying not to invalidate how the other person feels.

CountScrofula · 41-45, M

@Straylight Yeah. I am a firm believer in restorative justice and healing communities but a part of that is acknowledging harm done and owning it. Intentions are irrelevant to me because I could run over someone's dog accidentally but whether or not I say "I didn't mean to" doesn't matter that dog is dead. Time to own up.

Really · 80-89, M

@CountScrofula If you choose to feel hurt you don't get to blame it on others - even if that was their intention. (You don't have to play along.)

CountScrofula · 41-45, M

@Really So if my mother told me she hated me and I was sad about that, it's my fault?

Really · 80-89, M

@CountScrofula It isn't a necessarily a 'fault' except perhaps in your mind - it's a condition in your mother's mind. Could be justified. Maybe you already hate her anyway and you're glad she feels the same, who knows?

So long as you're posing imagined situations, you should only expect imaginary responses.

Really · 80-89, M

@CountScrofula [quote]Intentions are irrelevant to me[/quote]What about your own. Are they irrelevant to you?

[quote] doesn't matter that dog is dead. [/quote]This isn't The Dead Dog Café 😄. Maybe a place for flogging dead horses though. 😁