Husband getting too comfy home after he was fired 6 months ago?

My husband had a great job for 10 year as an attorney at a firm. We had a baby and he went through a rough period where I was working and she was sick all the time so he was missing work about once or twice a month. Well they fired him for being unreliable. Tough thing to happen after 10 years of hard work, and truth be told we think it was a salary dump, he made a lot and they were looking to trim, numbers were down, there were related layoffs before this happened. Anyway, 6 months has gone by and he is STILL VERY depressed. He hasn’t even put his resume together, he keeps talking about having me do it.. I appreciate that he’s been stayin home and taking care of our daughter but the truth is, im starting to feel weird about the whole situation. It’s like there is ZERO motivation on his part, he won’t see a counselor, he refuses to admit depression, he’s drinking a ton, gaining a lot of weight, and he won’t look for a job. Meanwhile, we are BLOWING rapidly through our savings. I’m kind of dissapointed and when it comes down to feeling attracted to him at this point. I am at such a loss as what to do. I’ve tried talking to him about it in a nice way and he kind of just stays quiet.. then finds some way to turn it around on me when he can. Anyone been through something similar ? How did it work out ?

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4meAndyou · F

I went through this with the ex. He became disabled with a weird disease that caused his hands and feet to swell up. He couldn't work. He became very depressed. He didn't want to do anything. For five years he refused to re-train for a job he could handle. I had to support our house and our family while he was going through this. Apparently his physical strength and his job were tied in to his own perception of his manhood, and he felt as though he was no longer a man.

Thank heavens his disease finally went into remission!!! He finally went back to college and retrained, and now he makes a lot of money running IT for a large company. In the meantime, he went through a radical personality change. It was as though he had died and another man moved in to inhabit his body.

We are divorced now. I think he was doing drugs other than pot, and always drank heavily, and whoever he had become was not the man with whom I fell in love.

If he does not stop drinking, he will become more and more depressed. You might wish to make an enormous withdrawal from your mutual account and create an account he can't touch. When he runs out of money he will not be able to buy booze. If possible, you need to take the money away from him so he can't continue to hurt himself with the booze. I never did that, but the ex couldn't get out of the house to buy the stuff.

In the meantime, the only thing you can do is attend al-anon meetings for the families of alcoholics....and tell him where you are going.