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Love husband, but not attracted to him anymore

So, husband and I have been together for 6 years.. we just had a baby 4 months ago.. moved into a great house. I work a ton, he works Aton. We are both successful, good looking people. He’s smart, good looking, musically inclined, funny etc.. but I am starting to no longer feel attracted to him because of one thing. Lack.Of.Affection..I’m back to my old body post pregnancy , I make all the moves first, I’ve tried not making ANY moves to tease him, I don’t nag, I pay for at least half of everything, I try to flirt, dress up everyday etc.. he never makes a move on me, or shows me any sort of affection. In fact, he is quite mean sometimes in the way he talks to me.. I’ve called him out a few times so it’s not like this is a mystery.. but. It’s starting to get so bad this lack of affection thing, that on the rare occasion when we do do it, I’m no longer even turned on. I can’t get past all of the crazy stressful things we’ve been through, and like I said the fact that he can’t show any affection or desire towards me..I’m resentful of him. And he seems resentful of me. I don’t want to divorce him because truthfully before all this family stuff happened he was the absolute hands down, most amazing love of my life.. what do I do? Did anyone have this happen and it got better? What did you do?
katielass · F Best Comment
Listen, I've been married for 42 years. You both will go through periods where things seem weird, different, over even but if you give up and start consciously moving apart it will be the end. More than likely what you need is time to allow this phenomenon to pass. I can tell you I;ve awakened several times over the years wondering WTF I'm with this guy for. Fortunately, the first time I was terrified and spoke to my mother about it. she said don't do or say anything, just wait, it will pass. And she was right, it did. That made it much less scary the next time it happened. And by keeping my mouth shut I didn't have anything to explain. And one day you just look at him and think yeah, I still love him. And you laugh to yourself and think thank god I kept my mouth shut.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@katielass best answer. Thank you so much for telling me that. I want to believe it’s phase. Will give it some more time. Thanks so so much for sharing
katielass · F
@Brassm0nk3y I hope it is just a phase but you are better off assuming, for right now at least, that it's just a phase. this might help. Before you talk to him, try to remember how you felt when you said I do. Or if it helps to think of another time that feels special to you and you had no doubt as to your love for him, think about that and I think it will help you. Good luck sweetie.
katielass · F
Thanks for BA.

katielass · F
could be something todo with the new baby. Talk to him. Don't accuse, just tell him when you ignore me it makes me feel_____. Ask him if you're doing something that makes him feel unwanted?
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Good idea. I should ask him that@katielass
Ynotisay · M
Not knowing you or your husband but you pointed a few times about how much you work and the stress. Toss a child in to that and...

Again, not knowing you but maybe if you moved away from how you're feeling about this, and started thinking more about what he's going through, then you might find a bridge. Maybe he feels pressure to have sex because you're making it clear that you need that from him. Nothing wrong with a hug, just sitting close on the couch and letting him know how thankful you are for him and your family, you know?
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Love this. Although he won’t even sit next to me when I try.. but maybe I could keep trying that..see if the softer approach helps him feel less on guard @Ynotisay
Ynotisay · M
@Brassm0nk3y Don't tell any of my fellow males that I told you this but a little ego stroke from a woman can make a HUGE difference in the way a guy sees himself and his partner. Just sayin'. Good luck.
SW-User
I would wait and see how things develop.
Sounds like hes zoned out emotionally. Maybe its the new baby? Put him out your mind and get on with making yourself happy and see if he comes around. If not you need to speak to him. Something is making him withdraw from you.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
I like that idea a lot. I feel like I’ve been doing that.. but maybe could try a little longer @Cutiepi23
@Brassm0nk3y exactly dont you do the chasing. If he really wants you,you will soon find out.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Truth. I feel encouraged to keep trying/waiting thanks for that@Cutiepi23
Serenitree · F
Does he have an account here? I've chatted with someone whose wife was pregnant several months ago, and he said he found her so sexy while she was pregnant, he was worried that he would no longer be attracted to her after the baby came.
Tminus6453 · M
Sounds like a large number of the marriages out there after about 7 years being married..they dont call it the 7 year itch for nothin....Sit and talk with him and reach a solution....move on(divorce).... or get use to it...
SW-User
He sounds exactly like my husband. He put 0 effort in for 16 years and then he cheated on me. Good times.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
lol @SW-User somehow your answer made me feel better. I do worry he’s going to do that. That exact same situation also happened to my mom.. ugh.. were there any signs ?
SW-User
@Brassm0nk3y Yes. Caring way too much about his appearance, talking about the woman he was "friends" with, wad of cash in gym bag to pay for hotel undetected, picking at little things I'd do that never bothered him before, saying he was feeling a good. He used to be a real stable family man, good job etc. so this was out of character for him.
Fernie · F
your details describe him not being attracted to YOU. Get some counseling if you two aren't communicating your feelings...or continue living this way...or end it
LyricalOne · F
Could he be having an affair? What about getting some marriage counseling?
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Yes definitely some counseling is in order I think. Thank you @LyricalOne
seems like you dont want to be attached to anything.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@badapple no I do! I just.. I’m tired of putting all the effort in emotionally and feeling like I’m not getting anything in return
Is he stressing about something?
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Might be@Notmesam that’s a good assumption. Maybe could try some how to reduce it.. or be more understanding at the very least I guess
@Brassm0nk3y Try going on a date just you and him. Like you used to when dating...
Synner · M
Once intimacy is destroyed it’s very difficult to re establish.
samueltyler2 · 80-89, M
@Synner this is so common after a baby, generally I would predict in will pass and you will be back. Set up dates for the 2 of you.
samueltyler2 · 80-89, M
Therapy for a start
caccoon · 36-40
Have you talked to him about it? Asked him why?
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SW-User
@AMERICA1ST don't you see it's mutual???? And don't you see it could be something that will pass?? They just had a baby!
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Don’t I also deserve the same?I guess I didn’t make it clear enough in my post. He won’t even touch me or make a move, or anything.. I get rejected a lot and it hurts@AMERICA1ST
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
Thanks @SW-User i hope so.

 
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