EXPAT - You have lived too long in Thailand if ... - You consider it normal to drink a beer at nine in the morning. - You look in all directions before crossing a one-way street. - You put salt and pepper on your fruits. - You wear a T-shirt and shorts every day. - You wake up in the morning knowing you have nowhere to go and all day to get there. - You do your shopping at 7/Eleven before dinner. - You don't know what day of the week it is. - You think a Honda Civic is a luxury car. - You have a ladyboy friend. - You consider it normal to offer gold jewelery when flirting. - You have a Thai nickname. - You put ice cubes in your wine. - You sometimes drive barefoot. - You think a calendar is more useful than a watch. - You realize that all your problems come from Thai women or recalcitrant ATMs. - All your t-shirts bear a brand of beer. - You think Sangsom and Mekong whiskeys are quite drinkable. - You can drive a motorcycle with 10 shopping bags hanging from the handlebars, and a pizza on top. - You know where to buy alcohol when it is prohibited. - You are able to convert everything into euros instantly in your head. - You wonder how one can find models from France sexy. - You are not surprised to have a civil servant neighbor who earns 400 euros per month, and who drives a Mercedes. - You think Pizza Company restaurants are fancy hangouts and serve good food. - You're starting to hate farangs. - You have a roll of PQ on your table, but not in your toilet. - You sometimes go to 7/Eleven in pajamas. - Taxi drivers understand you. - You prefer to eat on the floor. - You think a 500 baht note is a lot of money. - Your Thai girlfriend speaks better English than you. - You are very proud to belong to the police volunteers. - You can sleep 16 hours a day for several months in a row. - A week in France seems endless and ruinous. - All your friends live and die in Thailand.