I can still feel his weight on me..

So I’ve had my therapist (second one) for 9 months and I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with her, but not enough to talk about my flashbacks from the rapes I’ve been thru..

Now I’m getting a new therapist so I’m nervous 🥹

I want to get it off my chest, but every time o thought I was ready I couldn’t form the words to say it or express what I was feeling. I couldn’t say that I sometimes wake up feeling like he’s on top of me, or that I sometimes get flashbacks or feel like I can’t breath..

I feel like I’m being held down and that I’m stuck, and I’m scared to speak up about it. The words won’t leave my mouth, and my brain is so chaotic that I don’t even know how to begin.

I’ve blamed myself so many times, I’ve tried to be “ok” with it, tried to fool myself into thinking that they didn’t rape me so that I can move on.. Nothing is working.

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