I may forgive, but I won’t forget
TRIGGER WARNING: CHILD SEX ABUSE
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
One question about my molestation has always stuck with me: Can I ever forgive my molester for what she did? It sticks with me because I'm really not sure what my answer is. It always bothered me that she got away with what she did, especially if she's been doing the same to other children.
Over time, I've come to give her the benefit of the doubt. She was a teenager when she molested me and had a boyfriend. Maybe she saw the things she did to me as a way of experimenting. Maybe she's matured now and regrets what she did. I guess we can only hope because I personally hate to consider the alternative.
Even if that were exactly the case and I came face-to-face with her and she poured her guts out to me apologizing for what she did, would I be able to forgive her? I don't know. It would be asking a lot considering how long it went on for, everything she did to me, how many times she did it and how brazen she would get with it (likely because she knew she would get away with it.)
Then there's the fact that she was hired by my mom to take care of me and my hard-working single mother was working two jobs, in part, so she would be able to pay her. She helped us out a lot and would even do so during evenings and overnight, but still, she wasn't doing it for free and was pretty much getting money for molesting me!
And of course, there's how traumatic it was for me. I may be doing okay now, but it has affected me for a long time and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I would like to be able to forgive her and would like to think that I can but I just don't know. Maybe I could, but she made sure that I can never forget.
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
..................................................
One question about my molestation has always stuck with me: Can I ever forgive my molester for what she did? It sticks with me because I'm really not sure what my answer is. It always bothered me that she got away with what she did, especially if she's been doing the same to other children.
Over time, I've come to give her the benefit of the doubt. She was a teenager when she molested me and had a boyfriend. Maybe she saw the things she did to me as a way of experimenting. Maybe she's matured now and regrets what she did. I guess we can only hope because I personally hate to consider the alternative.
Even if that were exactly the case and I came face-to-face with her and she poured her guts out to me apologizing for what she did, would I be able to forgive her? I don't know. It would be asking a lot considering how long it went on for, everything she did to me, how many times she did it and how brazen she would get with it (likely because she knew she would get away with it.)
Then there's the fact that she was hired by my mom to take care of me and my hard-working single mother was working two jobs, in part, so she would be able to pay her. She helped us out a lot and would even do so during evenings and overnight, but still, she wasn't doing it for free and was pretty much getting money for molesting me!
And of course, there's how traumatic it was for me. I may be doing okay now, but it has affected me for a long time and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I would like to be able to forgive her and would like to think that I can but I just don't know. Maybe I could, but she made sure that I can never forget.
