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I Am a Child Abuse Survivor

It bothers me that there are so many of us. And that at the same time it's something we don't know how to talk to eachother about. And I hate that it follows me in my head still even though I'm almost grown and I'm living a good life. It worries me that in years I'll still have bad dreams or randomly think about it like I do now. And it bothers me that my close friends don't know how to act about it because they never had to go through it or that my boyfriend beats himself up because he doesn't know what to do when I have my lows. I don't think I'll ever understand why.

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lorelei

You have to kill your abuser in order to achieve closure.

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littleblackbird · 26-30, F

@lorelei Too much effort wasted

canusernamebemyusername · M

@littleblackbird That would not help. Especially the prison time that would put you around people like that anyway. The best way to destroy a person's abuser is to heal yourself to the point that you can forgive them. Evil cant be destroyed with evil. But it can be destroyed with love and forgiveness.

lorelei

lol forgive the person who abused you. Meh. Somebody has been watching too much daytime tv. Oprah and Dr. Phil?

HATE THAT FUCKER FOREVER.

canusernamebemyusername · M

@lorelei If you hate the abuser they will always control you because they cause you to feel hate for them. I don't think most people want to be forced to feel what they do not choose to feel. It is not about the abuser, it is about the victim. But I understand your hate.

lorelei

Hate is fuel.

Hippie.

littleblackbird · 26-30, F

@lorelei I've never truly hated anyone. I've been angry, scared, confused. I've hated the way I was made to feel, the things I went through. I felt hate when I was younger, when it was still my everyday and it made it worse. To be constantly exhausted from feeling hatred and anger. And to do something that would make me no better than her would weigh on me. I'm above her

canusernamebemyusername · M

@lorelei Really name calling now? Yes hate is fuel but it destroys the person who holds it. It drains the person so much.

lorelei

To forgive them is to lie to yourself. You don't really forgive anything, you just convince yourself that you have just to be able to get through the day.

canusernamebemyusername · M

@littleblackbird Yeah I used to hold so much anger for a person. It was exhausting. I didn't want to feel it anymore.

littleblackbird · 26-30, F

@lorelei That is true. I can never forgive. You can't forgive someone who isn't sorry. I still don't have the hatred. Indifference maybe. If she died tommorow or asked my help I wouldn't care. But the other emotions still follow

lorelei

Just be mentally strong and get on with your own life.

littleblackbird · 26-30, F

@lorelei A person can be strong but we all have our weak moments

lorelei

We do. But you're still here with a life ahead of you. Don't waste it. And don't forgive. Just forget and move on.

littleblackbird · 26-30, F

@lorelei It's hard to forget your entire childhood. You can't forget it. It shaped a lot of who you are and who you won't be. It'll always come back. Like when you look at your kid and how much they mean to you. It hits hard then.

lorelei

You got a kid?

littleblackbird · 26-30, F

@lorelei Not biologically but he's mine.

lorelei

Well then, you owe it to him to be the best guardian that you can be. Love the kid and in time you will heal you own wounds.

littleblackbird · 26-30, F

@lorelei He's probably the best medicine I've had. Proof that I'm above her, not destined to be like her

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lorelei

Not even close to being Murican, Sir. Sorry.

littleblackbird · 26-30, F

@lorelei It did kinda sound like a brashly American thing to say lol especially the part I'm from. Where are you from?

lorelei

That first thing I said was just sarcasm. It's amazing how many people take shit seriously.

littleblackbird · 26-30, F

@lorelei Ah. That's more understandable. Just the form of communication I guess. It's hard to convey tone through text

lorelei

Like I was actually instructing you to kill somebody lol

littleblackbird · 26-30, F

@lorelei I mean... maaaaybe lol. That's why I said it's a brashly American thing to say, I hear horrible things like that often here

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