I find myself desperately wanting people to understand why i am the way i am .But unless they've been through it there is no way they can. Why i react differently to everyday stuff, why there are things i can't do . I also find many people don't want to know to the point of being angry. They ask questions then respond with damn why.diid you tell me that! People don't like having their rose.l colored glasses taken.off.
I was programmed to believe certain things as a very young child and deprogramming is really hard. Ptsd is not something i can control ,i don't wake thinking I'm going to go down memory lane today. It just happens, a smell a sound,a face or voice can send me back .One thing i am working on is understanding that these things happened to me but in truth they didn't, they happened to the child i was .I feel guilty for being affected by my past. As a child i never got help or even sympathy. It's the child that needs love and compassion, someone to save him . He will never rest until i can be the person he prayed would save him. Sorry for rambling.
