Deep down I'm a small, scared, alone, hurt child

This year has not been great for me. This is going to sound petty and shallow, but it's been 8 months now since I was promised a gift for my birthday, which I still don't have. And this Christmas, most of the gifts I'll get will have been bought by me to be gifted to me by a relative. While the birthday thing has been annoying, what prompted all this was one day recently a friend messaged me about how she was going to spend oh so much money on her boyfriend because she just loves him that much, and then after telling me this said she was checking in on me. This just reinforced all my depressed thoughts, because I want to be loved too. I want gifts too. Why does everyone think so little of me that I'm not worth showing love to. I want to matter too.

Anyway, I'm in tears now so I'll stop. Sorry.