I had a stillbirth last year

I don't want to be afraid to actually say it because it's important. I blocked a lot of friends from my life, no one really knew what was going on with me at the time because I didn't want to deal with people asking over and over. I feel like forcing myself not to talk about it also hurts, but so does talking about it. It's a double edged sword.

I was lucky enough that I had one of my ex's who I'm on good terms with who was there for me during and after. He's an amazing person, and he was there for me even when my last boyfriend ghosted me after a miscarriage. He should be the one to take credit for all of this. He took care of me eventhough it didn't have anything to do with him and I'm very grateful. There were some good friends who stayed by me too and allowed me to do what I felt was comfortable but he was there the entire time. Every night when I cried, through the pain and medical issues I had thereafter.

He will make an awesome partner for some lucky woman one day. I hope he knows that.

I didn't have to talk about it if I didn't want to. I had a lot of issues last year where I got hurt a lot and didn't care what anyone did to my body since I was already in a bad headspace. It got me hurt more. I needed time to heal.

I had to get more therapy because it was traumatizing and lots of visits to try to figure out what was wrong with my body. I got to bury them in the yard on my own, what I wanted. I wanted privacy. So I got that.It felt intimate and something personal which it was.
And they were so tiny, tiny enough to fit in my hand.
I'm also young so there's plenty of time I feel like to go on with life like nothing happened. I don't want to do that.

I'm healed enough that I have just accepted it and I have gone on. That's the important part.