oct 11th 2023 was the last time i talked to my mom before she suddenly died a week later

i went over to do laundry and we talked on the phone while i was omw. i hope i told her i loved her on that call. she said she'd be in bed when i arrived which was sort of weird but i brushed it off because it was sort of late. so many times that night i thought to go up and check on her and i didnt.

in the show i was watching when i was doing laundry one of the protagonists characters mom died to an od. i thought to myself i need to check on my mom more and i didnt

i went on a trip the day after my laundry and i took so many pics i kept thinking i need to send to my mom and i didnt. i told myself id show her in person

my car got a flat and i called my mom and went straight to voicemail. which was weird but she missed calls all the time (not usually straight to voicemail) and i was like, she probably broke her charger. ill call again in the morning. my ex besties mom offered to drive me to check on her and i said she missed calls a lot. i wish i took that offer so much. when she didnt answer the next morning (my dads birthday) i asked my younger brother to check on her. i thought it was an issue with her phone. i didnt think hed go into her house and find her rotting body

she never wanted us to see her after she passed and i sent my brother to do exactly that. i failed everybody.

and i havwnt showered in days and i got out of bed to take care of myself ans now incant stop crying on the bathroom floor