I Would Like to See What My Future Holds

I would like to know I have a future. I can't envision one. I literally cannot imagine myself in the future more than a few years. It's not like I am really old at 47. I just have so little in my life I guess I am unable to visualize the future. I expect to be dead in a handful of years but with no concrete reason. I have wanted to be dead for so long that part of me is worried that if I change and started planning a future that lie would then take in from me in some sinister twist. If I could know how much time I actually had left, it would change everything for me. I know it's not possible. I don't believe in fortune tellers or things like that. I guess fear of death after all the praying for death keeps me from embracing life.