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Unpopular opinion: Ghosting isn't that big of a deal 馃懟

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I have always said that it's everyone's right to set up boundaries. The word [i]no[/i] is one boundary. To cancel /reject/ break up / cut contact is another. And ghosting is a third.

All are different ways of sending a message. Sometimes it's personal. "I don't wanna talk to you anymore"

And sometimes it's not personal. Maybe someone didn't have energy or time to respond, maybe they forgot they didn't respond, maybe they're waiting for you to respond, maybe their phone died, maybe they had no reception, maybe they just were so stressed that they decided to take care of it later. Whatever the reason is. It's about their [i]need[/i] rather than about hurting you.

Whatever the case may be. You have always the power and choice to reach out, you also have the power and choice to set a boundary too. This part is often forgotten. So instead you feel sorry for yourself, you feel hurt, you feel like the victim. And you do nothing about it.

I'm reminding you that you don't have to put yourself in such a petty situation to begin with. If you feel ghosted or ignored or rejected or mistreated. You can set a boundary and take charge.

Examples: "If you don't respond within the end of this day. I will assume we're over"

"You haven't answered me. So I'm gonna cancel our plans and plan something else"

"I don't like the way you wait x long to reply. If this is how you are gonna communicate, I don't wanna continue"


Bottom line is. [b]Always have a plan B.
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summersongF
Sorry but no. If it鈥檚 someone you only know casually then maybe. But if you鈥檝e been talking to someone for years, really investing in your friendship/relationship/whatever and they just bail without saying anything? It鈥檚 shitty and it just shows how little they actually think of you. Is it their right? Absolutely. But that doesn鈥檛 make it justifiable. Boundaries are a completely different thing btw.
Queendragonfly31-35, F
@summersong It's only shitty because you think they owe you an explanation. But people who leave without telling you, they have most likely already figured out your passive agressive attitude and they don't have energy for your drama. To them it won't matter what you feel. A boundary ( their self respect) weighs more than your approval.
summersongF
@Queendragonfly my passive aggressive attitude and drama? Seems like a pretty big assumption you鈥檙e making there given that we鈥檝e barely interacted
Queendragonfly31-35, F
@summersong Yes as in you clearly find people's self respect actions shitty. And people who ghost you has probably already figured out that you're not that nice so instead of risking hearing "buuuuuhuuu you shitty person" from you, they just bail. In peace.
summersongF
@Queendragonfly I don鈥檛 think you know what ghosting actually is. Ghosting is not self-respect. If someone wants to tell me how much they like me one day and then disappear how is that anything but cruel?

Btw automatically blaming someone you don鈥檛 know at all for being hurt by the loss of a friend says a lot about you. None of it good.
Queendragonfly31-35, F
@summersong I think deciding whom I decide to not contact is 100% based on self respect. 馃檶