Unpopular opinion: Ghosting isn't that big of a deal 👻

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I have always said that it's everyone's right to set up boundaries. The word [i]no[/i] is one boundary. To cancel /reject/ break up / cut contact is another. And ghosting is a third.

All are different ways of sending a message. Sometimes it's personal. "I don't wanna talk to you anymore"

And sometimes it's not personal. Maybe someone didn't have energy or time to respond, maybe they forgot they didn't respond, maybe they're waiting for you to respond, maybe their phone died, maybe they had no reception, maybe they just were so stressed that they decided to take care of it later. Whatever the reason is. It's about their [i]need[/i] rather than about hurting you.

Whatever the case may be. You have always the power and choice to reach out, you also have the power and choice to set a boundary too. This part is often forgotten. So instead you feel sorry for yourself, you feel hurt, you feel like the victim. And you do nothing about it.

I'm reminding you that you don't have to put yourself in such a petty situation to begin with. If you feel ghosted or ignored or rejected or mistreated. You can set a boundary and take charge.

Examples: "If you don't respond within the end of this day. I will assume we're over"

"You haven't answered me. So I'm gonna cancel our plans and plan something else"

"I don't like the way you wait x long to reply. If this is how you are gonna communicate, I don't wanna continue"

Bottom line is. [b]Always have a plan B.
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SheCallsMeCrushDaddy · M

This is the internet, and they shouldnt be surprised when it happens. And most times, the people who get hurt the most, are the ones who dont have other options. Like you said, always have a plan B. even better if you have a plan C D E and F.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@SheCallsMeCrushDaddy I agree. People who think any sort of contact means that person must stay with them. Are not in their right mind and its not a suprise they're rejected.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@SheCallsMeCrushDaddy Also maybe this is a bit of paranormal but I think most people with confidence can sense when someone is chill with them not always responding fast etc and that makes someone keep that person. Because chill relaxed people > Clingy disrespectful agressive people.

At least that's me. If I notice clingy predatory obsessive stalking agressive behaviour, I will ghost like the biggest ghost they'll ever seen.

GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M

@Queendragonfly Sounds like two ends of the polar extremes in magnets repulsing eachother. Both dysfunctional.

Over clinging, and over avoidant/ standoffish.

Society has lost balance.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@GeistInTheMachine Society is definitely not balanced, that we agree on.

But if you look at the statistics of DV, Rape, Murder, Harassments, Stalking. People ghosting verses people who can't say no and end up in harms way is very different numbers.

Maybe you personally feel that ghosting is the big issue, because it happens to you a lot. But from a societal perspective, that just means those women meet someone else.

GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M

@Queendragonfly I'm talking about ghosting in terms of blanket social interactions and you're talking about cutting off dysfunctional toxic/abusive dating relationships witch is another matter.

Again, no one is saying you should stand for abuse

I have my relationships in order. You don't have to probe me like that.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@GeistInTheMachine OK but as a woman ghosting saves me lots of trouble. If 35 men types to me on SW do you think I owe each avd everyone of them a "Hello how are you?" or do you think I'm allowed to choose what I lay my time on in here?

I also find ghosting the term so abstract, because what you think counts as ghost after one minute no respond is what someone else think is 10 hours no respond etc. While I literally couldn't care less.

Anyone who wanna respond me will respond when it suits them and I will do the same. Anyone who don't wanna talk anymore "ghost" and that means they're no longer interested, so I move on.

SheCallsMeCrushDaddy · M

the first mistake that alot of people make is getting emotionally invested in online relationships in the first place. i understand why alot of people walk away from internet relationships or friendships, because some folks level of expectation is way way higher than it should be.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@SheCallsMeCrushDaddy "Respond me. OR I WILL DIE"

🤣

SheCallsMeCrushDaddy · M

@Queendragonfly well, yeah, there is that approach. LOL

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@SheCallsMeCrushDaddy I sometimes see people comment on my posts or comments "Sorry I didn't respond sooner"

and all I think is

"What has happened to this world?"

People have been globally gaslighted to think they owe people their responds or time. Absolutely bonkers.