Unpopular opinion: Ghosting isn't that big of a deal 👻

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I have always said that it's everyone's right to set up boundaries. The word [i]no[/i] is one boundary. To cancel /reject/ break up / cut contact is another. And ghosting is a third.

All are different ways of sending a message. Sometimes it's personal. "I don't wanna talk to you anymore"

And sometimes it's not personal. Maybe someone didn't have energy or time to respond, maybe they forgot they didn't respond, maybe they're waiting for you to respond, maybe their phone died, maybe they had no reception, maybe they just were so stressed that they decided to take care of it later. Whatever the reason is. It's about their [i]need[/i] rather than about hurting you.

Whatever the case may be. You have always the power and choice to reach out, you also have the power and choice to set a boundary too. This part is often forgotten. So instead you feel sorry for yourself, you feel hurt, you feel like the victim. And you do nothing about it.

I'm reminding you that you don't have to put yourself in such a petty situation to begin with. If you feel ghosted or ignored or rejected or mistreated. You can set a boundary and take charge.

Examples: "If you don't respond within the end of this day. I will assume we're over"

"You haven't answered me. So I'm gonna cancel our plans and plan something else"

"I don't like the way you wait x long to reply. If this is how you are gonna communicate, I don't wanna continue"

Bottom line is. [b]Always have a plan B.
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BeefySenpie · M

It's cowardly if the contact has been ongoing for a fair length of time. If not, no big deal

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@BeefySenpie Fair length is only your abstract opinion. There's no such thing.

And I wouldn't ever call someone a coward for setting a boundary. To set a boundary takes strength. Many people keep forcing themselves to reply to people and pretend to like them. How is that any better?

Especially women are protected by the ability to ghost where they don't spend a second longer to be in touch with someone they find a predator.

Predators can chat up a woman and act like genuine but after a "fair length" of time, a predator will start acting predatory. And no one owes a person an explanation to cut contact. Its a protection and a boundary any normal respectful person will understand. If you don't. Maybe it's time to reflect on why.

GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M

@BeefySenpie Yeah, this.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@GeistInTheMachine No amount of time is an equalent to wanna keep contact.

GeistInTheMachine · 31-35, M

@Queendragonfly Not saying that you're under some sort of faustian contract to keep contact forever consistently, but to suddenly just dip because you're bored if you were on good terms... well, you have to understand that there is a way of doing things socially that is respectful, and tactful, and that some people will look down on that.

You can at least try to explain the situation or whatever.

Be upfront with people to their face.

Or it just comes accross as using people to get your social fix.

I think this is one of the issues worsened by disgusting social media culture.

If someone is going to treat people like a commodity to be consumed and discarded when bored, IMO, it is not only immature and disrespectful, but they deserve to have it come full circle and then be ostracized on some level. Or at least, they should not be surprised.

If one is going do be so flippant about people's potential feelings, why can't they stick to themselves, then? That's what I try to do.

Comes accross as trying to have your cake and eat it too in some instances.

If a lot of people are saying they don't like something, and you're like whatevs, imma keep doing it,

Then don't act so surprised when there is social backlash.

actions and consequences.

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@GeistInTheMachine but to suddenly just dip because you're bored if you were on good terms..

That's your interpretation/ assumption but like I've told you numerous times during this discussion, you don't decide someone's reason to stop talking to you and you don't get to decide whether or not it's valid either.

It's a poor mindset that will only put you in a victim chair. The only thing you can decide is whether to react or not.

BeefySenpie · M

@Queendragonfly Your attempts to persuade us otherwise are also just your opinion, unless of course your opinion is the only one that counts

Queendragonfly · 31-35, F

@BeefySenpie I'm not persuading anyone, at least not consciously. Anyone can agree or disagree of course. And no my opinion isn't the only one that counts but as long as I don't see a opinion I can reason with, I will support and argument for mine.

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