I feel like this is an unpopular opinion,but

if you dont take care of yourself (mentally/physically), dont focus on growing as a person, dont put time and effort into your education, your career, your hobbies, your appearance , your relationships , how do you expect others to be romantically attracted attracted to you? As harsh as this sounds I imagine it to be true for most people that they would not want to date or be with someone who neglects themselves ,who needs others to take care of them , who drags you down one way or another. I just dont understand, how do you expect others to just want you when you dont want to spend time on yourself to begin with?

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SW-User

Hmmmm on the contrary, I think that is a very popular opinion. But in some (many even?) cases I find the "you have to love yourself first" mentality toxic. Because it's easier said than done and sometimes does not even depend on us and the effort we are willing to put in

helsbels · 31-35, F

@SW-User ha, I just posted that exact phrase below but was in two minds because I do agree with you too. NOT loving yourself doesn't mean you are unworthy or undeserving of love. But it's a good aim to be happy within yourself and with your own company before having someone else in your life.

PepsiColaP

@SW-User Im not sure if you can love yourself but you can build a life for yourself thats not dependent on others or one other person , and you can always count on yourself to care for you . And the more I take care of myself and the different aspects of my life the better/more safe and confident I feel. I never will fully love me anyway as im constantly changing and im faulty too,everyone is . but I want to be at least ok with myself ,even when others arent ok with me . And it may be popular in mentality, as this is how we operate biologically in terms of attraction ,but many people romanticize it and want to hope that they will be loved merely for 'who they are' but who you are is who you put the work to be every day in your life. its not this intrinsic thing you are born and grow with , and honestly thats rather superficial ,to be loved for something you have not created yourself ,something that just is . There is nothing deep about that, if it is even factual .

SW-User

@PepsiColaP My point is time, circumstances and any other external factor is equally important. Sometimes wanting to take care of yourself self feels -and it may be- impossible. I agree, however, that waiting for someone to "save" us is just as toxic.

PepsiColaP

@SW-User can you give me a specific example , i don't want to understand this wrong

SW-User

@PepsiColaP Hmmm mental health, for example. It's a vicious cycle. You need to take care of yourself, just like you said, in order to feel good but it works the other way around too. I've mentioned before that I'm dealing with a suicidal partner. He doesn't take care of himself because he can't take care of himself. Now more than ever people should show him how much he means to them, to us. Or an other example would be a child growing up in an abusive/toxic environment. Sometimes we can't take care of ourselves or it can take some time before we're able to

PepsiColaP

@SW-User agreed

Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M

@SW-User If you don't love yourself it takes years of work. For me it took therapy, doing things I used to be scared of which gave me confidence, and a steady self awareness and development of myself over many years. You're right, it's not easy but nothing worth it ever is.
But I do have a pet peeve when it comes to those positive sayings because it doesn't help or guide anyone as to how.

SW-User

@Ryannnnnn Yes, exactly!! I don't disagree with the post, I was just trying to say that it's not as easy as it sounds

PepsiColaP

@SW-User ofcourse its not easy ,I know it myself. I think we all do,which is why we all struggle to a degree with it. I guess different degrees for everyone depending on their circumstances