He said today is my day...

My bf said that today all his attention will be to me
But for the past hour or so he's been talking to the same friend and constantly telling him "ily" and I haven't gotten that a single time
It feels so shitty
Today was my day
He's been spending this month and last month with that friend
Why
Why the only day
That he promised to spend with me
Hes acting as if I don't exist
I feel bad
I shouldn't feel jealous
Or angry
That friend is special
But
I don't want him to give all his attention to him
Again
I'm his gf
Shouldn't he be spending more time with me
Then Hsi friend?
I've listened to him
Helped him
So much
But
He still spend so much time
With the same friend
And
I know he won't stop
I wanna talk to him about it
But I can't
I don't want him to feel guilty
I don't want to be needy
I need him
He's my only reason to live for
Everyone hurts me
He's my only comfort
And now
All his attention
Is focused on him
Why
Just
Why
I feel
So shitty
For being jealous
But
He's my all
My everything
Seeing him give someone affection
Who isn't me
Just makes me feel so jealous
Just
Spend one day
With me
And only me
Why does he always have to spend it with him
I'm tired
I'm sad
I'm depressed
Constantly hurting myself
And feeling like I'm the problem
I just wish
That he was all mine
Just
Why
Do I have to share him
Why
Does
He
Say
Ily
So
Much
To
Him
And
Not
To
Me
.
.
.
?















Please
Just love me more the someone
I don't want to be last place again
And again
And again
Why
Am I always someone's last
Never first
Just
Why?
Love me
Please
I wanna be loved
Please?
Please...♦

Edit:
Even after he stopped and said we can call he's still inviting that friend to join and play with us
Todays my day... What a lie... Today is just a day where he spends a bit more time with me and gaslights me into thinking I'm spending time with him...
Why...
I just want to kill myself really
Would he even care?
Or would he get over my death in a week?
I
Feel like shit
Like an attention seeker
But at the same time
Why is he lying to me

Edit 2:
I spent the day with him and his friends, playing games he and his friends wanted
And I went silent
It's normal for me to go silent when I feel like I can't add anything to a conversation but it was mostly silence just to see his reaction... And I got nothing... I had to go do some things so I just suddenly left, without saying anything, normally he would have texted me asking what happened
But I got nothing
Nothing at all
No mention of my name
No message
Nothing



I think I'm just going to ignore him until tomorrow
It's not that I want to hurt him
But I need time to understand my emotions and I need time to think about what I should do and how to handle them
I can't promise I'll be able to ignore him for long...
As I love him a lot...
But all I can do is wait until he tries to text me...
I hope he does...
But...
My brain thinks he won't...

Edit3:
We talked things out and the next day he specifically spent with me :D