Just another sickly day

Today, I went to school feeling really down. I had another breakdown last night, which led me to almost suffocate myself with the use of my favorite pillow. I couldn't bring myself to act so bright, but I still did put quite a façade that no one noticed, except for my best friend. When she noticed, she brought me to the comfort room and asked me what was wrong with me. I told her I was fine, but her persistency made me broke into tears. Even so, I couldn't tell her the truth as to why I was feeling this way. I told her a lie. I said it was because my family kept pressuring me again for those scholarships. Well, it was not totally a lie, since it is partly the reason why I broke down last night. But that was not the reallyy main reason why. The real reason why was because I hated myself for being a pessimist, even so, I couldn't get rid of that side of me. My pessimistic side triggered my unstable mental well-being. I couldn't tell my best friend about that. Because I was afraid, again.