Today is my father's birthday, i think of his suicide

Two months into the pandemic my father chose to end his life. He did not leave a letter or give any signs. Two days before he ended his life, he said everything is normal

I have been on a journey of 100 to think of who my father was. He is a man who did not express his feelings or inner world. I was too busy to see his sadness. Or i saw and did not think because i have my life and family

My father died in isolation. He had fear and stress. I sit with knowledge that he did not have anywhere to go,nothing to do and no one to see. He had no one who listened. Everyone was so busy. He believed he was a burden

I sit with regret and allow my tears. I am a father now. I was so angry and sad in past days. Now i see he loved me and his choice was not because he was selfish. He did it because he thought it was best for us. I see his love now and am not angry. I just wish he was here to be a grandfathdr to my sons and a father to me, to guide me


Never ignore a call for help be there for the people you love. It may be inconvenient in the moment, but it is more hard to lose their love