I Am Saddened

My heart hurts I’m afraid . I want to feel me again .I don’t even like my friends anymore . I am afraid of men again too . Feels like I’m going back to when I cut myself at least I was real then . I feel like a stupid yogi . I rather go back to when I was a witch . I feel like a baby or some sort of saint . Why can’t I be real like the other girls. I don’t talk to my mother anymore . She can’t even take care of herself ... I had to take care of my brothers and dad at the end . I’m sick of my poetry . I want to get out of the fairy land .and walk barefoot in hell