Now I get it. Put two and two together and

He's not over the one who got away. It's been 2 years. I think I was a good distraction. And then he got bored and started to distance himself. But he blamed me for being toxic. When I was toxic because he was distancing himself. It was a vicious cycle. He kissed me twice. Idk why. We were never in a relationship. I thought he liked me. Maybe he did. Until he didn't. Maybe I'm just too wild to be loved. But I know he doesn't anymore. And he's back to brooding over his ex in his secret little ways...and it has shattered me. Any sort of physical intimacy.... isn't casual for me. It was certainly not casual in those moments. They were significant moments with context. And now he's not the same. And I think he was just trying to forget something that he finally couldn't forget. And I was just a bridge to get over.

I should not continue to love a man who still has (relationship) baggage from 2 years ago.