Can depression and happiness find an accord..a balance?

@crossproduct: Bipolar?

@MikefromEP: yeah 😭

@crossproduct: Rough trip. Have you tried meditation?

@MikefromEP: I've tried a lot of stuff man

@crossproduct: Anxiety is part of this I am guessing

@MikefromEP: sometimes it's the most unbelievable terror

@crossproduct: Skin prickles, heart races, breathing increases triple..

@MikefromEP: omg the cops are coming to kill me, they're gonna kick down the door and gun me down where I stand omg omg what do I do? They're on their way, fuck fuck fuck how can this be happening? I have to find somewhere to hide -- wait is that them?? Holy shit holy shit I'm having a heart attack omg

@crossproduct: Mary Jane helps considerably

@MikefromEP: I use it in small amounts; I find it takes the edge off the depression and also mellows out the mania [c=#BF0000]rage[/c] in literally seconds, but I don't have a lot because it gives me panic attacks.

@crossproduct: So you have a mix of mania and bipolar?

@MikefromEP: mania is one of the symptoms of bipolar. I don't think it happens on its own.

@crossproduct: Have you tried camping?

@MikefromEP: things like that don't really make any difference; I could just as easily have an episode in the middle of camping, which would suck. I do live somewhere very pretty, and that was an intentional choice because it does lift my spirits a lot, but it's not a cure by any means.

@crossproduct: A cure is enduring. Never ending. You should know when an episode is coming on you.. sooo.. what do you do?

@MikefromEP: oh geez that would fill a book, I have a bunch of things to try to keep me safe and I usually know when it's happening because it has very specific bodyfeels that I recognize now. When it's milder that's okay but when it's really bad I'm not lucid. Usually it hits the peak fairly quickly and the time when I'm actually psychotic is usually only a few hours, and then there's a long tail of about a week where I'm hyped up but lucid.

@crossproduct: Seem stable over this last hour..

@MikefromEP: yeah, I've been okay for the last couple of days. Most of the time I'm pretty normal, I just have these destructive (and actually quite dangerous) episodes from time to time that mess up my life again and again.

@crossproduct: Practice meditation. It REALLY does work

@MikefromEP: I do that already

@crossproduct: Try it without the defiance

@MikefromEP: you don't know me man

@crossproduct: Like I said... defiance

@MikefromEP: no seriously, that's really presumptuous.

@crossproduct: Use your body to knock down a door to get to a screaming child inside... what side do you use?