What is your selfish confession?

@DancingStarGoddess: Other people are of no consequence to ya until you have to make an effort to make come sort of connection with others but only because that's what we are supposed to do. We have to let people get close. We are supposed to like people and have them like us. We are meant to socialize. So we do. But it feels... odd.

@MagentaMentality: it's rare i let them close at all. i've lived my entire life like that. not even family members. i don't even love them. i just sort of "exist" around people. but am completely ok with going off alone and reading books or listening to music. i'm always confused when people go on about how they'd go crazy if they had zero human interaction as though they have no imagination or other means of exploration of the world around them. hell i'd be just fine and literally never miss it a bit. i don't even feel bad when people leave my life. i just go on to the next thing. i just can't completely attach to anyone or anything , never could.

@DancingStarGoddess: And when you mention this to someone, they look at you like you're a sociopath. But others are not necessary to my personal hapiness. Period. Company is nice while it lasts, but people are fickle and petty. Especially myself. If I want something, I want it. If that means no friends, then so be it. But that is rude and bad and frowned upon.

@MagentaMentality: yes! that exactly, you hit the nail right on the head! i don't understand or know what it feels like to be genuinely attached to anyone at all. i can love. but i can't be "connected" i've had attached ment disorder and whatever else they want to slap on me all my life. i'm curious as to whether or not it can be changed. but i'm 33 now. i'm wondering if it even can be at such a stage.

@DancingStarGoddess: Why would it need changing? Does it make you unhappy? Does it invalidate your feelings? Is it a cause for concern to yourself of your own accord? If not, where lies the problem? With you, or with how someone else says you are supposed to feel?

@MagentaMentality: i don't care about how anyone says i'm supposed to feel. i can't i don't actually know how to do that in truth lol. i'm actually engaged at this point, he's a bit like me but different to a large degree also. he would like kids, and i wonder if we have them, if i'll fuck around and make them like me because i'm not certain at all if i'll see them as anything other than "people" same as i see all my siblings and family members. don't think i'd like to be responsible for that. doesn't really make me unhappy no. it's a nice thought to think about having them. i won't be bothered honestly if i never do. but i also don't want the possible guilt i might feel for fucking one up. i don't ever feel real "guilt" about anything. but children. they're pretty much the only thing in the world i actually find innocent in any way and worthy of some consideration.

@DancingStarGoddess: Ah, now I can understand that... That is why I am glad to not be able to have children. I won't be able to mess any up like me. They have a future filled with possibilities, why would I take a chance at ruining that? The whole idea of raising children just seems like a very bad fit for me.

@MagentaMentality: same, i always said i'm too damn wild for that, i don't have the money, the time, the etc. and i'm free spirited as fuck, i do what i want when i want, how i want and usually with whom. and with a kid in the mix of that? nahh man lol

@DancingStarGoddess: I like the way you think!