Do you struggle to connect with people because of a mental illness?

*Free flowing thoughts to help myself that other people may be able to relate to.*

My mental illness has left me so disconnected with people. I analyze everything about my personality. It's not always about what others think about me... It is was I think about myself. This statement maybe a healthy goal for some. But the voice inside my mind directed towards myself is much crueler than anyone I've known.

It's a voice that never stops. I can redirect my inner monologue sometimes with exercises and hobbies. Even then I think about all the steps I should be taking, in order of how to do them, to become better at the actives. I can do this for hours... I can do it all day for days.

It makes me feel crazy to know I'm always talking to myself. Isn't that what crazy people do? Talk to themselves?

How do you connect with people when your are at war with yourself?
How do you calm down when you don't know how to relax? Because when you have time to yourself you obsessively think about the steps you need to take to become better?

It's such a hard thing to explain to people.

Like if I ask someone a question and they give me an answer I want to ask them the same question again. I want them to tell me the answer same answer until it "feels right". Like if they say the answer again it will magically validate the answer more then before.

But I don't do this of course, because I don't people to know I'm crazy.