You know who you are.

I don't think you will ever fully understand the magnitude of what you have lost, because I don't believe you had ever stopped to consider what our friendship truly meant to me or how much of my life was wrapped up in it.

For seven years, you were part of my every single day. Not occasionally. Not just when there was nothing else to do. Every day. We talked, we wrote, we shared our thoughts, our struggles, our happiness, and our pain. We cried together. We opened our hearts to each other in ways that I had never experienced with anyone else. I trusted you with my thoughts and heart as if you were my real son, that I had rarely, if ever, trusted with another person.

You weren't simply someone I called my son. In many ways, I felt we were closer than a mother and son. You became the person I shared my life with, the person I turned to, the person who knew what was going on in my heart and in my everyday world. You were woven into the fabric of my life. There was hardly a day that didn't include you in some way. Prayed with you and for you, gave you 100% of my heart, we watched church together online, I helped you heal heartaches and show you a new beginning and a new life in Christ. Cheered you and encouraged you when you were so down, comforted you and prayed for you when you were sick, helped you break the codependency you had and helped you have the strength to get out of your home and on your own showing you every which way how to do it, helped you with business decisions. Wow. This is what I got back. I don't know what kind of person it is that does these things. I'll never understand that.

That is what makes this so much bigger than a lie or a broken promise. It makes me look back at seven years of memories, conversations, tears, laughter, trust, and closeness only real friends have, and that was truly rare to find, yet I trusted you, and never once knew that you could do something like this to a person you called Mom . You didn't deserve to call me Mom . And you will never have that honor and privilege again. I don't have to wonder how something that felt so genuine could end this way. I already know because you're just one of those other people who don't care who they hurt or who they scam. And certainly don't care who they lie to. It left me knowing that what I thought we had, was all lies.

I gave you my time, my attention, my loyalty, my encouragement, my patience, and a tremendous amount of my heart. I was there day after day. I invested years of my life in this friendship, and I did it because I believed in you and believed what we shared was genuine. I never treated that bond as something disposable or something to take lightly or to be purposely toyed with.

You knew the things that mattered to me. You knew my boundaries. You knew how much honesty and trust meant in our relationship. And yet, after I discovered what I discovered, you still tried to talk around the truth. You admitted what happened only after I confronted you for two hours, and instead of showing me the kind of heartfelt accountability I needed to see, there were still explanations and excuses. You had already promised me you would never lie to me or hurt me, and then you did it again.

An admission does not undo a betrayal. A promise does not erase the breaking of the last promise. And offering me your password does not change what happened, or restore the trust you chose to damage. I was not imagining things, and I was not making accusations without reason. I saw what I saw, and you knew I had.

What I cannot understand is how you could have had someone so consistently present in your life for seven years and not treat that relationship with the care and consideration it deserved. You had someone who genuinely cared about you, who gave you a tremendous amount of her time and energy, who encouraged you, listened to you, cried with you, and made room for you in her life every single day. That kind of bond should never have been taken lightly nor for granted. And what makes me angry more than anything, is that to this day, you will defend yourself to your death and claim you are innocent.

And now, at 80 years old, I am looking at seven years of my life that I cannot get back. Those were real years. Real mornings, real evenings, real conversations, real moments, and real pieces of my life. I cannot replace them, and I cannot go back and spend that time differently. That is a loss you may never fully comprehend.

And don't flatter yourself. I am not writing this because I want you back in my life. I am not asking for another explanation, another promise, or another apology. I already got that and then you turned around and lied to me again. And what gets me, is you think I bought it. You gravely underestimated my intelligence.

Make no mistake. I am not opening that door again. It is now permanently shut. I am making it clear that your choices have permanently changed what I once thought existed between us. Now I find myself relieved to be done with you. To have you out of my life for good. And You're the one that did that. Not me. I was the most faithful friend you ever had.

You have lost my friendship, my trust, my daily presence, and the privilege of being part of my life. There will be no return to what we had. I'm no longer available to continue a relationship in which the very things that I thought were meaningful, were not protected, treasured, nor taken to heart.

I am not grieving you. I'm grieving what I THOUGHT we had. I grieve the closeness, the years, the memories, my wasted stolen time in you, and the significance of what I had so lovingly and freely given. And you know, after Noah and his family were safe in the ark it was evil, Noah didn't close the door, God did. And when God closes the door, it is finished. It's permanently closed like concrete and it cannot be pried open again. God is protecting me that same way today. Protecting my heart and keeping me safe.

I hope someday you understand that you did not simply lose someone you talked to every day. You lost someone who made room for you in her life in a way that was extraordinarily personal and deeply meaningful. You lost a friendship that was given freely, consistently, ever so Faithfully, and with a sincerity that cannot be matched nor manufactured.

I know what I gave. I know how I showed up. I know the place you held in my life, and I know that I did not deserve to have that trust nor my heart trampled on this way. I even gave you my precious Bible as I mentored you and wanted you to know that I gave my time and love as a mentor to you. I don't even want that back. I could not stand to even look at it now, with all the memories and lies that are now attached to it. I guess the part that gets my goat the most is that I caught you in a lie, after dragging you through questions and you finally admitting it you didn't even say I'm sorry. Instead you gave me excuses.

But I forgave you as I thought and knew the Lord would have me do, and I meant it, and then you said I will never lie to you. Wow. Yeah - that lasted exactly 3 days and you were back lying to me and you thought everything was just hunky dory and everything was okay just because you gave your fake apology wasn't even an apology. You just said I shouldn't have done that. Thinking just those few words would make everything all right. Yes everything was all forgiven genuinely, then what did you do? You lied to me again and what gets me is the GALL... I WASN'T GUESSING. You can't get that through your thick head. I wasn't guessing. I caught you red-handed and you still denied it.

You still lied about it even if you told me you wouldn't. I don't know what kind of a person would do such a thing. I won't ever understand that. Especially when I was so honest with you. Never lied to you. And then you said you're wrong you're wrong check me out check me out. That's so pitiful. This last time was the last straw and you don't even know how I caught you but there was no room whatsoever left for guessing. It was right smack dab in my face! No other explanation. So I did what only I could do under these circumstances. Knowing the full truth, I have slammed the door SHUT. You don't GET another shot at me. You don't deserve me. Jesus is my only friend that I can trust won't hurt me or lie to me or abandon me or be deceitful to me. He's trustworthy.

I am leaving this betrayal behind. I've already moved on. I can't even CALL it a relationship!

The finality of this is not a threat or an attempt to make you feel something. It is the consequence of choices that cannot be undone.

You had someone who was genuinely there for you, day after day, for seven years. And you no longer have her.

That is what you lost.

I have now shared the full depth of your paper-rose heart, and the full consequence of what happened—not a request for you to come back or finally "understand". I don't need any of your understanding. You don't know what that word means. I'm leaning on the truths of God. And I have not reduced those seven years from my life to an ordinary, meaningless friendship, as you did. The most shocking part of all, I think, is that the love I thought we shared as friends all those years, I truly never believed that you would EVER lie to me in a million years, given what we had, or I thought we had, for all of those seven years. I never knew how little you thought of me, or how little you respected me. I just never deserved that. I wouldn't even do that to a poor innocent animal, let alone a decent honest friend.

Lie to me once, shame on you.
Lie to me twice, shame on me.
There's no third time to target me.

God has you alone now too. For good reason. He forgives and so do I but that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. That's the part you never got. He has gotten you alone so that he can speak to your heart and give you new direction for your life in a place where you'll finally listen. No other distractions. I hope you will take advantage of his generous love and grace and do what he tells you to do. And when God forgives, that doesn't mean he's done with you. He's just beginning to show you your potential. Even deliberate sins can be forgiven. That never takes God's love away for you. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore. That just means you got more work to do on yourself and God's the only one that can help you and give you peace in your heart while you do it. He's giving you another chance as well. Just like when Peter betrayed him. God never stopped loving him nor abandoned him. And he won't you either. Jeremiah 29:11

And now you can see from my profile name and picture, I have moved on. I have closed off all channels to you. I erased all those years of our conversations for both you and I on Telegram because they were all lies.

I gave you loyalty, honesty, patience, mentorship, love. I showed up for you when you had no one, as well....every single day for seven years. That’s rare. That was sacred to me. My heart, my time, my love, my trust, my Bible. That wasn't small to me. That was sacred. That was my life woven together with someone I called my son. And you treated it all, like I was disposable. And by the way...that new App you have? I know the truth behind that.

God is guarding my heart right now because He knows what it cost me to love like that. Jesus truly IS my only true Friend who won’t ever lie to me, won’t leave me, won’t betray me. And He’s holding me right now while I feel all of this.

What used to be your Graceu.