31-35, M
OogieBoogie · F
Sometimes we put too much weight on things.
Which is totally expected coz we are continuously bombarded with society telling us who to be, what we should have, how to behave and what to value.
Its a minefield.
Thing is....are you defined by the people you know....the friends you've had?
Are you defined by the friends you don't have?
Do people get to define who we are?
Is that where our value is?
More people are alone than you think.
Its just some are at peace with it, and some are yet to be.
Sometimes the very thing you are pushing for, is the very thing that eludes you.... because you are pushing so hard.
Maybe.....be enough for yourself?
Be the friend you would want for yourself.
Find contentment in your own company.
Stop needing and grasping for something to fill that hole.... when the best thing you can do is be such a whole person, there is no hole?
The thing is.... when we need other people for things within us, they feel it.
They feel the weight of that responsibility. It's scary for them.
Many may run from it.
Would you want the weight of someones feeling and sense of worth be your full responsibility?
It's a big ask of anyone.
It sounds counter productive - but being strong within oneself and not needing....is actually quite attractive to people.
They think, "Whew!... someone who doesn't need anything from me... thank heavens"😅
Life is hard.
Everyone has burdens.
Sometimes others just cant risk giving any more of themsleves to others.
They mignt be picking up on your feelings of being alone.... and it scares them 🤷♀
I hope this makes sense.
Which is totally expected coz we are continuously bombarded with society telling us who to be, what we should have, how to behave and what to value.
Its a minefield.
Thing is....are you defined by the people you know....the friends you've had?
Are you defined by the friends you don't have?
Do people get to define who we are?
Is that where our value is?
More people are alone than you think.
Its just some are at peace with it, and some are yet to be.
Sometimes the very thing you are pushing for, is the very thing that eludes you.... because you are pushing so hard.
Maybe.....be enough for yourself?
Be the friend you would want for yourself.
Find contentment in your own company.
Stop needing and grasping for something to fill that hole.... when the best thing you can do is be such a whole person, there is no hole?
The thing is.... when we need other people for things within us, they feel it.
They feel the weight of that responsibility. It's scary for them.
Many may run from it.
Would you want the weight of someones feeling and sense of worth be your full responsibility?
It's a big ask of anyone.
It sounds counter productive - but being strong within oneself and not needing....is actually quite attractive to people.
They think, "Whew!... someone who doesn't need anything from me... thank heavens"😅
Life is hard.
Everyone has burdens.
Sometimes others just cant risk giving any more of themsleves to others.
They mignt be picking up on your feelings of being alone.... and it scares them 🤷♀
I hope this makes sense.
TheArchivist · 31-35, M
@OogieBoogie thanks...I know all of that and it is helpful
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
I'm not trying to be discouraging and this is SW you can do whatever you want.
But a lot of us have short attention spans and I'm wondering if a YouTube channel would be a good fit for you?
Also I think it's better if you talk to the person and even if you get a negative reaction from them it shows you something.
You have to decide whether you want to keep this person as a friend or just let it go.
Or it might be something to do with them they might have social anxiety or whatever but you won't know unless you discuss it with him.
The one thing I will say is people are not on our timetable they don't have to get back with us when we feel they should especially on an anonymous site like this.
Also you're nobody's social worker or therapist if somebody doesn't treat you well you do not have to fix them .
You're going to get treated the way you put up with.
It doesn't mean you get all vigilante and mean about it but you can walk away.
You said you're the common denominator we are all the common denominator in our own relationships.
I think maybe you expect too much especially from interactions online.
People are busy they have their own lives .
But a lot of us have short attention spans and I'm wondering if a YouTube channel would be a good fit for you?
Also I think it's better if you talk to the person and even if you get a negative reaction from them it shows you something.
You have to decide whether you want to keep this person as a friend or just let it go.
Or it might be something to do with them they might have social anxiety or whatever but you won't know unless you discuss it with him.
The one thing I will say is people are not on our timetable they don't have to get back with us when we feel they should especially on an anonymous site like this.
Also you're nobody's social worker or therapist if somebody doesn't treat you well you do not have to fix them .
You're going to get treated the way you put up with.
It doesn't mean you get all vigilante and mean about it but you can walk away.
You said you're the common denominator we are all the common denominator in our own relationships.
I think maybe you expect too much especially from interactions online.
People are busy they have their own lives .
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I think that's fair enough to ask of people. I think that's rude that they just go off and ghost you.
class · F
I listened to the entire 10 min 44 seconds a few times.
The agressor: trying to override conversations to single you out maybe, i dont think he would befriend but maybe he would on his own eventually.
Dont push others away, they could be going through something and holding onto what they have.
When others dont reply sooner: their mind could be in the wrong place and still mean well.
Wearing on you: ghosting, it makes sense others are not so thoughtful because they have few friends i notice but you should take these as a grain of salt of guesses.
Its normally not you being the problem if you are indecisive of the answer being your problem or their shaky behaviors.
Wish it were easier on you.
The agressor: trying to override conversations to single you out maybe, i dont think he would befriend but maybe he would on his own eventually.
Dont push others away, they could be going through something and holding onto what they have.
When others dont reply sooner: their mind could be in the wrong place and still mean well.
Wearing on you: ghosting, it makes sense others are not so thoughtful because they have few friends i notice but you should take these as a grain of salt of guesses.
Its normally not you being the problem if you are indecisive of the answer being your problem or their shaky behaviors.
Wish it were easier on you.
SunSetStrut · 46-50
It seems after age 30, making friends is a PITA.
You are no worse off than anyone else really.
You are no worse off than anyone else really.