Just realised something

Just realised I've probably been too traumatized/ drained/ exhausted by the relationships in my life that I don't want to let anyone new in and get to know them and get attached to them only to be hurt by them too. I don't have the capacity to do that anymore. I don't have the capacity to listen to anyone, I don't have the capacity to try to please anyone and cater for their emotions, try to make them feel good, make sure I'm the happy clappy verson of myself 90% of the time. I've run out of the energy required for it. I don't even have the capacity to listen to myself anymore. Whenever I want to think about why I'm sad or about one of my problems and analyze them in an attempt to reason with myself to find a solution, my brain shuts down and there's just this constant sadness and tightness around my brain as if it's going to explode from the amount of things it needs to do and is stressed and overwhelmed by
I'm lying down right now and I can't help but feel sad and so stressed about how difficult it is to just be in this position and how I'm unable to relax.