I am, or was, taking a course in college surrounding diversity. I just finished it. We had assignments and discussions surrounding different diversity topics. One of the assignments centered around children, abuse, how they grow up, and building resilience in children.
After watching the movie, I had to answer a packet of questions, and this was one of them:
“Depth of feeling is what makes this film worth watching. Of the many feelings in the film, which are you most familiar with?”
I am a child abuse survivor myself, and I answered that I think fear is what I am most familiar with. There were a lot of negative emotions I felt, but they all had fear underlying them. Many times, I would have to convert an emotion into anger because it was easier to feel anger than something else, and it was what I became most comfortable with.
There were also many times as a kid when I felt sadness or loneliness, and even to this day, those feelings can become overwhelming. I have replaced them on many occasions with anger to give myself some relief, but underneath everything, fear was at the core, and I wasn’t a particularly brave kid.
So that is what I answered, and I’m curious what everyone else here would have said?
I just avoid those stupid diversity classes. The only exception was the mandatory garbage for entrance. Had to waste time on those short courses and that was bad enough. I would end up kicked out of shit like this.
A lot of us have zero interest in wasting time off of our core. There are only 3 mandatory electives in my program, and I can just take more of my core to fulfill them except for the one I have to take on the US Constitution - which is cool. I can more than deal with that. My family chose to come here, and I'm grateful they did.
But none of this emotional art class haha. I'm sorry you had to take that, especially coming from the type of background you come from.
@DeadOrbit CE where I'm from is Computer Engineering. Civil Engineering is Civ. E or something like this. I'll check later. Either way, being self-taught in either form is something someone couldn't do in 2026. They want degrees. I just wrote this before continuing on after "Civil Engineering" in your first sentence. I just don't see that possible. It's against what everyone is saying and asking for. You can't even get an internship until Junior year. That's why I'm focusing on research for a year.
You're 36-40 which means you formed all of this at least 20 yrs ago. Things must have been a lot different back then. Again, lucky for you. For me, yes, that is what I will fight to have to do. School is an authentic waste of time. I could self-study all of this in about a year or year and a half. I have looked at core material. But it's something I must do for this current time. We must have degrees. Even the internships are VERY difficult to get. I'm trying to get my GPA up by Junior year. Right now it's only 3.8 which isn't competitive enough to access the internships.
So this means you graduated with zero debt!?? Yes, that's something none of us can do these days. I'm fighting over here to keep my debt at least below 30-40K. I really need another scholarship.
And yes, you are correct! All of those items are blessings. You have been very fortunate though with all of this. I was fortunate enough to get accepted to my program. Just have to keep up the struggling.
I wrote that story here and it applys to what you are saying greatly also no im self taught since i was 13 right now im in school and about to graduate in december. I need a degree to become a university professor so even though i work in the field already without a degree im going back to get one.
@Mindful I suppose all emotions could be intertwined. We can be both happy and sad, or angry and scared, or many other combinations at the same time. I know parents in general are far from perfect, but im glad you had a lot of love in your life.
@DeadOrbit my complaint is that I don't feel like I was prepared for how difficult or challenging adult life is. Do/did you feel prepared for the challenges?
I didn’t experience fear. There were too many rituals surrounding the experience to make it feel familiar. I would go with despair and delusion. There was always the direct abuser with violence and nutritional neglect but the ones that abandoned you to that parent and then watched in silence never acknowledging their responsibility in the abuse and then acting like a hero in the end.
My fear I think turns into ruthless sadness. It used to be self harm but I was able to stop. I do miss it, it was very effective. I've been getting tattoos to cover the scars and they feel so good, like, pain therapy? So I know, I'm harsh. I enjoy singing and screaming. Is that anger?
@EldritchFox I don't really know i think you would have to explore this more with a professional because im surely not one. I will however, make a suggestion of going to dry needling, or acupuncture. There is pain but also relaxation.
It's basically surviving torture. If a grown man is tortured in a POW camp for instance. He might never be quite right after that. Just imagine it happening to a small child.
