I think it's time to grieve who I am, because I need to go away.

I'm tired of being unwanted. I'm tired of being invisible. I can't stand any more people turning there backs on me without ever understanding. My truth doesn't matter. My love must be crap. My efforts and my energy are absorbed and what I need is absurd. People just drop you. They don't have to explain, they don't have to care at all. I just have to be what they want and if I'm not I'm trash.

Family, friends, lovers. All gone.

I don't want to be worthless anymore.

I don't want to wake up tomorrow in a different life.

I just don't want to be me anymore.

Not because I don't like me. There's something wrong with me that I'm not aware of.

I deserve less.

Nobody cares when I hurt. What does that mean?

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I've tried so many different ways to exist as part of family, group, community and I'm always left out.

I don't get hugs.

All I care about is my son and how his mom is such a piece of shit he can't even have a healthy life.

I don't hate myself, I don't want to be myself. Because I'm unlovable. It's the truth. I'm almost 42 and I'm alone af.