This quote can change your life: “You cannot use the master’s tools to dismantle the master’s house.”

There was a very good response posted about the inner child , this is something i wrote for my inner child

This is where you speak
This is where I find you
This is where I know who and what you are
You my frightened soul
My frightened child
Here you raise your head
Look around and see
What you see I'm not sure
But here I feel you
Here you become a part of me somehow
Here you feel instead of merely existing somewhere deep inside
And sometimes I need to feel your presence
Need to know you're there
Need to know you feel
For you are the part of me that lives
You are the part of me that somehow was not torn
Was not ruined in the awfulness
You still can walk through meadows
Enjoy the sun
Run through the leaves in autumn
And all with such beautiful innocence

A part of you is still a part of me
I have an innocence at times
And long for it
Instead of living with the thoughts and memories and fears that swirl within my head
And sometimes feel that innocence and love and purity are once again within my reach
I feel them so strongly somehow

But, no, only here with you do I have that
Love that carries me to places poets talk about
Pictures in my mind of places only artists see in visions carried deep within their souls
The world my child invented when his own reality began to crumble somehow into ugliness
An ugliness he couldn't comprehend
A pain he could no longer bear to feel
And gradually he changed
To face a world not beautiful
Not innocent
A world made real, or false?, by ugly things

Gradually he became me

And so, sometimes I must feel you pass through me
Must feel your warmth
Must feel your openness to life
To love
To beauty
And even feel your openness to pain
For I have just begun to feel again
With fear, I will admit
A little at a time
Trusting once again that there are people in the world who will not tear my soul apart for sport

You are the best of me, my child
My soul
My innocence
And feeling you gives me the faith
To try to heal

I used to bully myself a lot. I went to therapy and that helped me connect to my inner child. Over the years I have learned how to be kind to her. I can't speak to myself in a manner I would not speak to a child. I view myself not as a fixed self in the moment but rather a collection of the selves that have inhabited this body I live in. Just because the self that was 9, who felt a certain pain, can no longer be seen by the world because time has aged the body we share doesn't mean the effect of her pain isn't real. I have and continue to work hard to heal all the pain they felt by giving them love, understanding, perspective and hope. That's how I stopped bullying myself. I decided to raise and nurture the parts of me that were lost to time.

Bullying yourself is bullying a helpless little child who is sad, scared, confused, lonely and hurt. Love that child and you will love yourself.

Your “what ifs” are not what ifs.

They are the actual what’s.

This is a very good and concise point and it’s backed by the neuro science research of the past 2.5 decades.

There are ways to rewire your brain into a more positive and beneficial state.
It’s not easy and the people that should be doing this type of hard mental work are often the least well equipped to do it and believe in it.

CBT and Shadow Work are incredibly difficult in the beginning and failing often is an actual sign of progress.

But giving up on these things is in essence giving up on one’s self.
Failure to even try is best described as apathy.

I wish anyone going through bouts of self doubt, self criticism, or any type of anxiety or depression at least tries to find something out there that works for them.

Good luck to everyone.

Be well
Live happy
Keep trying,
Rob

The only "trauma" I had growing up was being bullied .. learned to stand up to it. Tough lessons learned later were learned because I could see / accept my own shortcomings when I had to face them. I don't "bully" myself .. but I don't lie to myself either. Learned to just do what I need to once its understood

I do criticize myself very harshly. One of my most toxic character flaws.