Why do I think about what life would be like with other people.?

How I view my husband has changed so much with haveing a child certain things have got better, others worse, before my husband I never loved any men I went on dates with never in love with anyone available, when I met my husband everything seemed clear to me we would have a good happy life together, we were both in our twenties. We had one conversation on the possibility of children he said he doesn’t know if he wants children and at the time I felt the same way then I accidentally got pregnant, the birth control flew out that I was using, and i didn't notice it. after having my son I realized I want a big family and he realized he dosent like kids that much. He thinks they are cute but does not want to take care of them. I know that he is still very young and his views will change alot so thats what makes me think we should stick together. And everyone has flaws, i have a feeling the guys im picturing that are better then my husband might not actually be that way. Until you live with someone for a while you dont see the things that would bother you, i have a feeling any other guy I would meet would make a worse husband then my own. He has made some big sacrifices for me and i keep trying to remind myself of that. His biggest one is hes agreeing to have as many kids as I want. I have no desire to cheat on my husband so Why do I keep thinking about what life would be like with other guys?

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GoFish ·

idk maybe you were triggered by his distastes for children and long to be in a relationship where what you want is also wanted but its true that some other guys are worse and not better and sometimes people do change for the better but not always aka wanting to care for more children

at least you love and enjoy having your child.. my 2nd sister in law (i have three) wanted a bunch of kids before having one.. after having one she wanted zero kids and ran off and left.. so 😒 in retrospect i wish i had stopped by and helped her more at the time i didn't realize what a time warp infants are for time and attention and she may have been overwhelmed as she was young not that that excuses her as there are dome good young mothers.. .. ideally one adores their children and enjoys caring for them but to some i guess they are grief and resentment and that's beyond unfortunate

i heard a guy in the store saying ge wanted to sell his children and it made me angry .. he had a young expectant wife and three children right next to him when he said it.. and his young son stared up at me.. i like wanted to lecture him for being ungrateful (the young father not the lil child of course..) 😒

Souls

Thinking about what life would be like with other people doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong with your marriage. It usually means you’re trying to process a big difference between what you want long term and what your partner wants.

You went through a major life change becoming a mom and that can shift your identity, your desires, and your expectations. He didn’t go through the same emotional shift, so now you’re noticing the gap.

Your mind isn’t fantasizing because you want to cheat. It’s trying to imagine: ‘What would life look like if my needs and my partner’s needs lined up more naturally?’

That’s a normal way the brain tries to make sense of uncertainty.

It doesn’t mean those other men would actually be better. It just means you’re craving alignment, support, and shared vision and you’re not fully getting that right now.

What matters most is how you and your husband communicate about the differences, how willing he is to grow, and whether you both feel like a team. The thoughts themselves aren’t the problem they’re just a signal that something in the relationship needs attention.

Girlyfriendcollecting · F

@Souls that is a great point. I often worry about telling my husband whats on my mind because he dosent like to hear anything negative about himself he gets angry and yells in past experiences. I want to go bring this all up in couples therapy, I know men hate therapy, my husband was willing to try it but I dont want him to have a bad experience in therapy and not want to go back.

Souls

@Girlyfriendcollecting It makes sense that you’re nervous about bringing things up, especially if he’s reacted with anger in the past. That kind of response teaches your body to stay quiet, even when something needs to be said. But therapy isn’t about attacking him or making him feel wrong a good therapist keeps the space balanced. They don’t let it turn into blaming, and they don’t let anyone get ganged up on. If anything, therapy can actually protect both of you from the yelling dynamic because there’s a neutral person guiding the entire conversation. You’re not trying to make him look bad. You’re trying to make the relationship healthier. And if he’s willing to try therapy that’s already a good sign. The first session is usually just getting comfortable, not diving into the hardest conversations right away. So no worries I wish you both the best of luck!

CreyvinMoorhead · 41-45, M

I'm just here taking notes

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