Them days are far behind me

I just wanna live out the rest of my days in peace, alone. I'm deteriorating slowly and it don't bother me. What does give me anxiety is seeing other people deteriorating yet oblivious to the facts and torturing themselves. Nothing brings greater joy to me than working on my car, music, doing crafts/hobbies. Selfish I know. But is it? I think it's doing myself and others a favor to be honest. I like to stay low, invisible (in real life), and stay out of society. I order my food through Walmart plus, order my stuff from Amazon and car parts.com. I don't look at or talk to anyone if I have to go out I make it as quick and quiet as possible. I cringe at praise or too much recognition. It didn't used to be that way but after the world teaches you who you are to it, you learn to embrace the suck and make it a habit to stay away. Women are physically beautiful, but in most cases it's only skin deep. This is what allowed me to no longer desire them. I have to scan a checkpoint on the door of a gym every night at work and there's always a woman in there and she looks straight out to me, I know she's probably paranoid and my thoughts are always the same " oh good Lord just carry on lady I'm just doing my job" and sometimes I just bypass and avoid the checkpoint. I never look back at her and really not thinking about anything but getting away to the next. If they wave at me I look down at my phone or act like I didn't see and keep rolling. I literally keep myself from any form of contact, not to be rude or anything. Just to feel in the right and make the message clear " No, I don't want you". You have no idea how difficult it can be to live like this. But I find it necessary, in order for people to know I'm ok and not a threat. Some people would call this self torture. I call it protection. I feel like my existence is highly annoying to others. This goes back to the way I been treated man. Face value. So I go around doing my thing secretly apologizing to everyone for my existence. Of course I wanted to be loved, accepted, etc I mean who wouldn't. But after a while you start believing the treatment and it leaves you no choice but to face the facts, and protect yourself by gladly avoiding all. It's a hard hard way to live, but I'm going on 5 years now that way. Today I can't accept love or acceptance or anything from others because I'm safe. No one can touch or hurt me ever again. I am lone, a feral, and I've had my shots in life with relationships and all that stuff. We get older, start wearing out, become less appealing etc that's just the way it is and at least I got to experience it all. It isn't something I ever want to go back to. I've lost appeal, looks, it's over. Stop being selfish and stupid, let the young enjoy their time and just be the older deteriorating man and I say that with truth. It's their time now. I had mine.