feel a ' dread ' about the future
what to do when you feel that way ? - basically i'm just aware, i'm getting older, very late 40s now....my only support, my elderly mother is getting older, my mum is still doing good for her age, but is looking a lot older now....and i just feel afraid of a time in the future when my mother won't be around anymore....my mum is my rock really, i've always had close bond with my mum, my mums words and talks when i'm struggling with my mental health really lift me and make me feel better, and her talks and words always have done.....
my mum is a spiritual person as well as a catholic and my mum has helped me so much to get in touch with my own spirituality and has guided me so well through life...and i just at times get frightened of a time when my mum is no longer here and i won't have that? i almost feel on the verge of panic, just thinking about it..
with the mental health support i now have, i'm in the process of trying to improve my life and better myself.....my wish is that i find a good friend or two, and maybe a romantic partner....but i'm aware in life there' no guarantee of that...................and basically i don't want to end up on my own without my mums loving presence and help as i think life would feel meaningless and ' alien ' to me without that.....but also i'd feel devastated to be without my mum here with me on earth.
so right now, especially because of the time of year i'm going through a time of feeling dread, with my thoughts racing; what if this happens, what if that happens in the future?....feeling a deep insecurity.
as i've mentioned before i've never found the relationships or friends i wanted in my adult life so far, because of mental problems mainly, so i missed out a lot...so now i'm trying to work on myself to try and get those things and meet those people i want........but what i'm really trying to get across is, i don't feel i could cope with life without my mother? and times speeding ahead now, seems to be going faster.
my mum is a spiritual person as well as a catholic and my mum has helped me so much to get in touch with my own spirituality and has guided me so well through life...and i just at times get frightened of a time when my mum is no longer here and i won't have that? i almost feel on the verge of panic, just thinking about it..
with the mental health support i now have, i'm in the process of trying to improve my life and better myself.....my wish is that i find a good friend or two, and maybe a romantic partner....but i'm aware in life there' no guarantee of that...................and basically i don't want to end up on my own without my mums loving presence and help as i think life would feel meaningless and ' alien ' to me without that.....but also i'd feel devastated to be without my mum here with me on earth.
so right now, especially because of the time of year i'm going through a time of feeling dread, with my thoughts racing; what if this happens, what if that happens in the future?....feeling a deep insecurity.
as i've mentioned before i've never found the relationships or friends i wanted in my adult life so far, because of mental problems mainly, so i missed out a lot...so now i'm trying to work on myself to try and get those things and meet those people i want........but what i'm really trying to get across is, i don't feel i could cope with life without my mother? and times speeding ahead now, seems to be going faster.
46-50, M
