I wish I could talk to you. I wish we could have real conversations regularly.

I can’t help but wonder how many others get you in those ways. How many others you were just sending that too.

I miss seeing your face, and your eyes more often. I want to be able to send you funny/dark/dirty/sarcastic posts when I see them. I miss and want to be able to banter freely with you since I no longer have to worry about all the rules.


I want to be able to be my real self without hesitations or holding back around you. I’m afraid so I try to just follow your lead because I don’t want to chase, I don’t want you to feel forced or obligated. I hold back so much of myself and I’m afraid you may never fully know the real me and I may never know the real you.

And I feel so foolish thinking about who else receives those how many others are in the list when you hit send. How many others have you in that way and which of them have your heart. Who do you share your daily thoughts, worries, happiness, and secrets with. Who do you delve into deep thought and conversations with. I wish I didn’t think about it, but I do.

I’m sorry I’m not good at separating my body from my heart, mind, and soul. They are all bound together and I can’t help but feel this pull to you, but this red string is beginning to fray. I’m trying to hold on, to trust in you, but I’m getting weak not knowing where you or I stand and if anything will ever change.