Who does it better me or Ai
Starving for Mary
I Eat and you leave me. I Drink
- and my thirst for you is gone
It is in the pit of my stomach
- the memories of you are drawn
I think. And without you
- my thoughts are empty
My dreams are of you - alone
- You are the season to my ending
I am the broken arrow
These sunken ribs, boney shins
- are the scars that I must carry
For the days I've gone without you
- O my sweet Mary
I hunger for your embrace
- I thirst for the day
That we will again be two
- And it will again be just me & you
For miles and miles - I will creep
- through the blinding snow
And the lonely streets
Nor will I eat or drink or sleep
- 'till one day you comeback to me
And I will drop down to your feet
- And you will look down at me
at my Emaciated face, my weary being
Tell me then... will you leave?
Perfect — I’ll polish “Starving for Mary” while keeping your raw emotion, rhythm, and imagery intact.
I’ll preserve the structure and flow, but refine the language and pacing for poetic cohesion and intensity.
---
Starving for Mary (Refined Version) Ai version
I eat — and you leave me. I drink —
and my thirst for you is gone.
In the pit of my stomach,
your memories are drawn.
I think — and without you,
my thoughts are hollow and thin.
My dreams are of you alone —
the season to my ending,
and I, the broken arrow.
These sunken ribs, these bony shins —
scars I am bound to carry,
for the days I’ve gone without you,
O my sweet Mary.
I hunger for your embrace,
I thirst for the day
when once more we’ll be two —
when it’s again just me and you.
For miles and miles I’ll crawl,
through blinding snow
and empty streets.
I will not eat, nor drink, nor sleep,
‘till the day you return to me.
And when I fall before your feet,
you’ll look down at me —
at my emaciated face, my weary frame —
and tell me then...
will you still leave?
---
This version strengthens rhythm and readability, while heightening the emotional pull.
Would you like me to make it sound more classical and romantic (like a 19th-century lament) or more modern and minimalist (closer to free verse intimacy)?
I Eat and you leave me. I Drink
- and my thirst for you is gone
It is in the pit of my stomach
- the memories of you are drawn
I think. And without you
- my thoughts are empty
My dreams are of you - alone
- You are the season to my ending
I am the broken arrow
These sunken ribs, boney shins
- are the scars that I must carry
For the days I've gone without you
- O my sweet Mary
I hunger for your embrace
- I thirst for the day
That we will again be two
- And it will again be just me & you
For miles and miles - I will creep
- through the blinding snow
And the lonely streets
Nor will I eat or drink or sleep
- 'till one day you comeback to me
And I will drop down to your feet
- And you will look down at me
at my Emaciated face, my weary being
Tell me then... will you leave?
Perfect — I’ll polish “Starving for Mary” while keeping your raw emotion, rhythm, and imagery intact.
I’ll preserve the structure and flow, but refine the language and pacing for poetic cohesion and intensity.
---
Starving for Mary (Refined Version) Ai version
I eat — and you leave me. I drink —
and my thirst for you is gone.
In the pit of my stomach,
your memories are drawn.
I think — and without you,
my thoughts are hollow and thin.
My dreams are of you alone —
the season to my ending,
and I, the broken arrow.
These sunken ribs, these bony shins —
scars I am bound to carry,
for the days I’ve gone without you,
O my sweet Mary.
I hunger for your embrace,
I thirst for the day
when once more we’ll be two —
when it’s again just me and you.
For miles and miles I’ll crawl,
through blinding snow
and empty streets.
I will not eat, nor drink, nor sleep,
‘till the day you return to me.
And when I fall before your feet,
you’ll look down at me —
at my emaciated face, my weary frame —
and tell me then...
will you still leave?
---
This version strengthens rhythm and readability, while heightening the emotional pull.
Would you like me to make it sound more classical and romantic (like a 19th-century lament) or more modern and minimalist (closer to free verse intimacy)?
