Writing this down because it may be my first clear thought today.

I'm scared. Obviously. Why, because I know every second is a second gone and we only have so much time on this earth with our loved ones.

I want to recede into my bedroom and just do nothing and be scared. But I know it makes things worse. It wastes time.

I can stop. I've done it before. I can do it again. I need to be more responsible.