I am mentally ill and hate when people ask me if I’m too hot in my clothes
I have depression, schizophrenia, ptsd, and anxiety. I am working through a state agency called the department of mental health for services with a case manager, a therapist, a psychiatrist. I did not appreciate the psychiatrist basically stating that me wanting to wear many warm layers of clothes may have had to do with my brain chemistry and it telling me I feel cold when it’s not and it might be part of my schizophrenia. I was very infuriated with the nurse who asked me if I was hot with all my heavy clothing on last Monday( eight days ago)I thought it was fucking rude. Obviously if I was hot I wouldn’t be wearing my coat, scarf, hat, , Ugg boots, gloves thermals, corduroy pants, Sherpa lined socks pullover heavy sweater fleece jacket, underwear camisole and bra. It was like 70-75 degrees. I can’t believe my therapist said they wouldn’t be a very good mental health agency if they didn’t notice something unusual. How is my dressing unusual? For all these people could know I could be from somewhere really hot or just run cold. Honestly, it pisses me off. And my therapist asked me if I would have considered s group home to live on my own from my parents yeah right like I want to live in one of those places. I’m already starting to regret working with DMH but I need them for future help like affordable housing.
Or subsidized housing. I could live in supportive housing for those with mental disabilities but not a group home for christs sake! I already miss my zoom appointments and. Completely flexible scheduling from spectrum neurobehavioral care. I need to become independent and.fight these diseases and make a great effort to. Dig myself out of this hole I made. I want to live on my own and travel and finish the adult. Milestones I have not achieved yet in my later 30s and beyond. I have really fucked up my life including losing my ex boyfriend when I broke up with him. My therapist also told me for most people online and long distance relationships are not long term sustainable and I’m in the part of grief where I blame myself for the breakup and maybe there was no one. To blame but sometimes. Circumstances and. People drift apart..she said under no circumstances after sending my last message and email should I ever contact him again because he made it very clear he didn’t want any sort of relationship to continue even a platonic. Friendship. I said goodbye to him and wished him a good life after he stopped talking to me a year and a half ago recently. If I do much more.contacting. I would go right into stalker territory. I don’t want to be a stalker.. my therapist also. Told me it was ok to cry to. Process.grief and if I wanted to write him letters and pretend to have a conversation. With him but never send those letters I could. I wasn’t ready for another relationship yet because I haven’t even gotten over this one when I said I don’t even know if I want another relationship. This. Therapist doesn’t hold back from saying what she thinks and says therapy will sometimes be uncomfortable. She also told me I can’t change my parents opinions on how I dress and. That when my mom refused to take me inside til he grocery store because of how I was dressed, my parents want it one way and I want it another way and none of us are willing to compromise. Lady who’s side are you on here? Anyway I wish I never developed mental illness so I could be completely functional. And thriving as an adult. My dad started with his there are going to be some rules bullshit saying that starting in November everyone will put their phones away by midnight and my mom said she was going to wake herself up at four and then three am to make sure I was getting ready for bed. They are like this 5 -6 am routine needs to stop. I’m an adult.. I go to bed when I am good and ready. I’m not following what they say. As long as I wake up by noon it should be fine. My parents are my guardians and I regret letting them take guardianship. Now they will sign some papers on my my behalf at DMH. In a few years I hope to be much more independent and no longer have my parents as my guardians.. I am not a normal adult. Which makes me feel bitter and depressed. I have a lot to work on to become a mature responsible adult.. by the time my parents are really old, they want to know before they pass on I will either be able to take care of myself. Or be taken care of. They know my sister can take care of herself as she lived in TN for a year on her own and she mostly got herself through it including having to push aside. That she had been raped to function and still do her job and take care of her dog. My mother went down there as part of an emergency, I have not demonstrated yet that I can take care of myself. I have to. I need to be able to survive in this world. To be continued…
Or subsidized housing. I could live in supportive housing for those with mental disabilities but not a group home for christs sake! I already miss my zoom appointments and. Completely flexible scheduling from spectrum neurobehavioral care. I need to become independent and.fight these diseases and make a great effort to. Dig myself out of this hole I made. I want to live on my own and travel and finish the adult. Milestones I have not achieved yet in my later 30s and beyond. I have really fucked up my life including losing my ex boyfriend when I broke up with him. My therapist also told me for most people online and long distance relationships are not long term sustainable and I’m in the part of grief where I blame myself for the breakup and maybe there was no one. To blame but sometimes. Circumstances and. People drift apart..she said under no circumstances after sending my last message and email should I ever contact him again because he made it very clear he didn’t want any sort of relationship to continue even a platonic. Friendship. I said goodbye to him and wished him a good life after he stopped talking to me a year and a half ago recently. If I do much more.contacting. I would go right into stalker territory. I don’t want to be a stalker.. my therapist also. Told me it was ok to cry to. Process.grief and if I wanted to write him letters and pretend to have a conversation. With him but never send those letters I could. I wasn’t ready for another relationship yet because I haven’t even gotten over this one when I said I don’t even know if I want another relationship. This. Therapist doesn’t hold back from saying what she thinks and says therapy will sometimes be uncomfortable. She also told me I can’t change my parents opinions on how I dress and. That when my mom refused to take me inside til he grocery store because of how I was dressed, my parents want it one way and I want it another way and none of us are willing to compromise. Lady who’s side are you on here? Anyway I wish I never developed mental illness so I could be completely functional. And thriving as an adult. My dad started with his there are going to be some rules bullshit saying that starting in November everyone will put their phones away by midnight and my mom said she was going to wake herself up at four and then three am to make sure I was getting ready for bed. They are like this 5 -6 am routine needs to stop. I’m an adult.. I go to bed when I am good and ready. I’m not following what they say. As long as I wake up by noon it should be fine. My parents are my guardians and I regret letting them take guardianship. Now they will sign some papers on my my behalf at DMH. In a few years I hope to be much more independent and no longer have my parents as my guardians.. I am not a normal adult. Which makes me feel bitter and depressed. I have a lot to work on to become a mature responsible adult.. by the time my parents are really old, they want to know before they pass on I will either be able to take care of myself. Or be taken care of. They know my sister can take care of herself as she lived in TN for a year on her own and she mostly got herself through it including having to push aside. That she had been raped to function and still do her job and take care of her dog. My mother went down there as part of an emergency, I have not demonstrated yet that I can take care of myself. I have to. I need to be able to survive in this world. To be continued…
31-35, F
